The desire and need for connection with other humans, especially family and friends, is HEALTHY and NORMAL.
The desire and need for POSITIVE connection with other humans is ALSO healthy and normal.
We are born as connected beings, connected to our group.
This is why Narcissistic abuse is so painful for human beings; we instinctively connect with others, and expect the connection to be there, because it's supposed to be there, and it's
supposed to be healthy and supportive.
We're HUMANS, our brains are quite capable of making our connections very positive and supportive; it's not dumb to expect that.
Expecting MUTUAL support is part of what we ARE.
It's much like dogs expecting to join a pack with other dogs, that's what they DO, it's what they're supposed to do. When they're in a pack, they're not preoccupied with each other, they're focused on what they're all doing together. They NOTICE one another, and do little social signals and play, but that's incidental, it's not their main focus. Their main focus is on chasing that stick together, or playing with that frisbee, or chasing that rabbit together. It's more fun when they're together. Only dogs with "issues" are more focused on trying to dominate other dogs than on the activity, because they have a fixation or an anxiety issue.
Narcissist humans USE those natural, normal connections between people for their own personal purposes and agendas. We usually don't know that they're going to do that until after it happens.
So imagine bringing your dog to a dog park, and one or two of the dogs there have a domination fixation. Every time your dog goes to chase the frisbee that someone is throwing, those other dogs chase YOUR dog INSTEAD OF the frisbee. They are fixated on your dog, and are trying to stop your dog from catching the frisbee. THAT'S more important to them than actually catching the frisbee themselves, or participating in the game.
When one of them gets hold of the frisbee (by taking it out of your dog's mouth), they run away with it, refusing to give it back to the human who was throwing it. They growl when someone tries to take it.
DOMINATION itself is their focus, not the GAME, and they are not able to connect in a healthy way with the other dogs as "peers" or "equals". They see every other dog as either a threat to their dominance, or as something to dominate and get something from.
So YOUR DOG craves the connection with the other dogs at the park, and wants to participate in the game, and have FUN, building social skills, self-confidence, motor and coordination skills, and friendships.
But the domination-fixated dogs PREVENT your dog from doing any of those things, every time.
Eventually, your dog doesn't want to go to the park anymore, and whenever your dog sees another dog, he gets anxious instead of happy.
So, instead of building things in his life that he needs to build, he's prevented from doing that. And consequentially, he becomes avoidant toward those very things because every time he tries, there's someone there blocking him or attacking him.
(The solution? The dog can't do anything, he's under the ownership and control of a Human. What the Human can do is look for another dog park where the dog owners are more responsible, and don't let their domination-fixated dogs go after the other dogs.
(and/or get 'help' with their domination-fixated pets).
(This is about why N. abuse is so painful for targets, and how it can cause so much damage. Not about why they do it.)
The desire and need for POSITIVE connection with other humans is ALSO healthy and normal.
We are born as connected beings, connected to our group.
This is why Narcissistic abuse is so painful for human beings; we instinctively connect with others, and expect the connection to be there, because it's supposed to be there, and it's
supposed to be healthy and supportive.
We're HUMANS, our brains are quite capable of making our connections very positive and supportive; it's not dumb to expect that.
Expecting MUTUAL support is part of what we ARE.
It's much like dogs expecting to join a pack with other dogs, that's what they DO, it's what they're supposed to do. When they're in a pack, they're not preoccupied with each other, they're focused on what they're all doing together. They NOTICE one another, and do little social signals and play, but that's incidental, it's not their main focus. Their main focus is on chasing that stick together, or playing with that frisbee, or chasing that rabbit together. It's more fun when they're together. Only dogs with "issues" are more focused on trying to dominate other dogs than on the activity, because they have a fixation or an anxiety issue.
Narcissist humans USE those natural, normal connections between people for their own personal purposes and agendas. We usually don't know that they're going to do that until after it happens.
So imagine bringing your dog to a dog park, and one or two of the dogs there have a domination fixation. Every time your dog goes to chase the frisbee that someone is throwing, those other dogs chase YOUR dog INSTEAD OF the frisbee. They are fixated on your dog, and are trying to stop your dog from catching the frisbee. THAT'S more important to them than actually catching the frisbee themselves, or participating in the game.
When one of them gets hold of the frisbee (by taking it out of your dog's mouth), they run away with it, refusing to give it back to the human who was throwing it. They growl when someone tries to take it.
DOMINATION itself is their focus, not the GAME, and they are not able to connect in a healthy way with the other dogs as "peers" or "equals". They see every other dog as either a threat to their dominance, or as something to dominate and get something from.
So YOUR DOG craves the connection with the other dogs at the park, and wants to participate in the game, and have FUN, building social skills, self-confidence, motor and coordination skills, and friendships.
But the domination-fixated dogs PREVENT your dog from doing any of those things, every time.
Eventually, your dog doesn't want to go to the park anymore, and whenever your dog sees another dog, he gets anxious instead of happy.
So, instead of building things in his life that he needs to build, he's prevented from doing that. And consequentially, he becomes avoidant toward those very things because every time he tries, there's someone there blocking him or attacking him.
(The solution? The dog can't do anything, he's under the ownership and control of a Human. What the Human can do is look for another dog park where the dog owners are more responsible, and don't let their domination-fixated dogs go after the other dogs.
(and/or get 'help' with their domination-fixated pets).
