When a person with Narcissism describes someone as being a "nice person" (male or female), what they're actually saying is that the person gave them something that pleased them, either material or emotional.
If that "nice person" was to treat their partner or friend with disrespect or even meanness, it wouldn't matter to the N, it wouldn't register as important or significant. ALL that matters is that the person keeps giving the N. something they want and like.
That "something" could be as simple as crumbs of attention, especially if the N. admires the person or wants their approval.
(For some, the absence of obvious rejection is the same as positive attention and acceptance.)
It could easily be some kind of praise, flirtation, ego-stroking, recognition, etc..
It could also be, and often IS, some kind of material object or supply, like work, money, opportunity for work or money, access to certain places or people, or other illegal and illicit things (per the individual, not all N's participate in illegal activity) such as drugs, stolen goods, or other 'supply'.
"Having connections" is BIG with people with Narcissism. Again, just "having connections" doesn't make a person a Narcissist, it's just one of the things that Narcissists tend to be attracted to; it makes them feel important and like a "key player" in a larger "operation".
For a Narcissist, getting something they want, 'need', and LIKE from another person always trumps the way that person conducts themselves, and treats other people, including the people connected to the Narcissist.
For a lot of people with Narcissism, they may actually LIKE IT when someone treats those they're "close to" with disrespect or abuse.
They get off on being one of the people who is in the "bully" group, and not in the "target" group. Being associated with a bully can give them a sense of power and control over the person who's being targeted.
If that "nice person" was to treat their partner or friend with disrespect or even meanness, it wouldn't matter to the N, it wouldn't register as important or significant. ALL that matters is that the person keeps giving the N. something they want and like.
That "something" could be as simple as crumbs of attention, especially if the N. admires the person or wants their approval.
(For some, the absence of obvious rejection is the same as positive attention and acceptance.)
It could easily be some kind of praise, flirtation, ego-stroking, recognition, etc..
It could also be, and often IS, some kind of material object or supply, like work, money, opportunity for work or money, access to certain places or people, or other illegal and illicit things (per the individual, not all N's participate in illegal activity) such as drugs, stolen goods, or other 'supply'.
"Having connections" is BIG with people with Narcissism. Again, just "having connections" doesn't make a person a Narcissist, it's just one of the things that Narcissists tend to be attracted to; it makes them feel important and like a "key player" in a larger "operation".
For a Narcissist, getting something they want, 'need', and LIKE from another person always trumps the way that person conducts themselves, and treats other people, including the people connected to the Narcissist.
For a lot of people with Narcissism, they may actually LIKE IT when someone treats those they're "close to" with disrespect or abuse.
They get off on being one of the people who is in the "bully" group, and not in the "target" group. Being associated with a bully can give them a sense of power and control over the person who's being targeted.
