Narcissists are NOT concerned about you, your well being, or the relationship between you. They are ONLY concerned for themselves, their comfort, their gain, their reputation, their stuff, avoiding blame and consequences, and avoiding obligation.
They are NOT concerned about you, that's why they rarely do anything that looks, feels, or sounds like "caring". They will only do occasional acts that are their OWN idea in order to prove that they do care, but NOT anything that was YOUR idea. They'll typically do anything they can to avoid doing anything YOU suggest, request, instruct, or ask for, and that includes big things, little things, important things, trivial things, from going on vacation to going to a movie, from going to a counselor to baking a birthday cake, from (you) going back to school to trying Nutrisystem, from painting your bedroom to building an addition, from putting a band together to going camping, from cooking a five course meal to serving ice cream.
It doesn't matter WHAT IT IS, if YOU suggest it, they will probably avoid doing it, or helping you do it, or allowing you to do it. If they fulfilled your request or agreed to your suggestion at first, they will almost certainly become more and more agitated as time goes by, and especially if there is any process or instruction required.
After the first or second time fulfilling something you requested, they can actually become depressed. whether it's a big thing or a little thing, because their frustration and humiliation level will be so high from not getting to be IN CHARGE of you. You are supposed to serve, assist, applaud, praise, support, follow, admire, wait for, sympathize, change, and be there for THEM, not the other way around.
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Those who have Control Issues FIRST decide whether a person is "above them" or "below them" before they interact with them. (Before, not after).
If a person is "above them", in their mind, it's because they admire or adulate them; they have chosen the person as someone to put on a pedestal and "look up to". So they will follow them, believe them, and seek their approval. They will follow their instructions and commands willingly, and appear to be a humble, easy-going person who is full of respect for others.
If they've decided that a person is "below" them, (or closer to equal with them, which means almost equal but not quite), they HAVE TO BE THE BOSS AT ALL TIMES.
Even if they try to FAKE IT to save face or to condescend temporarily, they will not be able to do it for very long, and will become agitated.
They CAN NOT abide or allow the person to know something they don't, or to be more capable in something, or to lead them or instruct them in any way. They CAN NOT allow the person to be well-liked (or more liked) by others. They CAN NOT allow the person to receive RESPECT or recognition from others, and they certainly are not going to GIVE the person respect or recognition.
The person is their inferior, in their imagination, and therefore they are entitled to be their superior.
They are NOT concerned about you, that's why they rarely do anything that looks, feels, or sounds like "caring". They will only do occasional acts that are their OWN idea in order to prove that they do care, but NOT anything that was YOUR idea. They'll typically do anything they can to avoid doing anything YOU suggest, request, instruct, or ask for, and that includes big things, little things, important things, trivial things, from going on vacation to going to a movie, from going to a counselor to baking a birthday cake, from (you) going back to school to trying Nutrisystem, from painting your bedroom to building an addition, from putting a band together to going camping, from cooking a five course meal to serving ice cream.
It doesn't matter WHAT IT IS, if YOU suggest it, they will probably avoid doing it, or helping you do it, or allowing you to do it. If they fulfilled your request or agreed to your suggestion at first, they will almost certainly become more and more agitated as time goes by, and especially if there is any process or instruction required.
After the first or second time fulfilling something you requested, they can actually become depressed. whether it's a big thing or a little thing, because their frustration and humiliation level will be so high from not getting to be IN CHARGE of you. You are supposed to serve, assist, applaud, praise, support, follow, admire, wait for, sympathize, change, and be there for THEM, not the other way around.
~
Those who have Control Issues FIRST decide whether a person is "above them" or "below them" before they interact with them. (Before, not after).
If a person is "above them", in their mind, it's because they admire or adulate them; they have chosen the person as someone to put on a pedestal and "look up to". So they will follow them, believe them, and seek their approval. They will follow their instructions and commands willingly, and appear to be a humble, easy-going person who is full of respect for others.
If they've decided that a person is "below" them, (or closer to equal with them, which means almost equal but not quite), they HAVE TO BE THE BOSS AT ALL TIMES.
Even if they try to FAKE IT to save face or to condescend temporarily, they will not be able to do it for very long, and will become agitated.
They CAN NOT abide or allow the person to know something they don't, or to be more capable in something, or to lead them or instruct them in any way. They CAN NOT allow the person to be well-liked (or more liked) by others. They CAN NOT allow the person to receive RESPECT or recognition from others, and they certainly are not going to GIVE the person respect or recognition.
The person is their inferior, in their imagination, and therefore they are entitled to be their superior.
