(Might be triggering for some people~ read at your own discretion)
"Why did he ask her out if she's 'such a bitch?' "
"Dude, because she's hot! Everybody else thinks so, what's wrong with you? Plus she's got some high level job, so she's got cash. What's not to like?"
"Umm, because he says she's a pain in the ass...?"
"Dude, so what, all chicks are a pain in the ass, especially the smart ones. It's the price you pay."
"Why does she go out with him if he's so boring?"
"Duh, because look at him, stupid! Didn't you see his eyes, and that ass? Plus he's an executive VP at a huge company. He's got like a Master's degree or something."
"So what, why doesn't she find someone she actually LIKES?"
"What do you mean?!?"
Targets that are attractive to those with Narcissism often include:
~A person whom they find physically attractive, especially if they find them VERY physically attractive.
~A person whom they think OTHER PEOPLE find physically attractive
~A person who seems to be POPULAR, well liked, accepted by a larger group
~A person who appears to be a member of a group of wealthy, famous, or powerful people (family, career, or otherwise)
~A person who seems to be wealthy
~A person who seems to have wealth and success in their future
~A person who seems to possess ability, skill, and/or talent above and beyond others
~A person whom they assume that they can control and dominate
~A person who appears to have control and power over others
~A person who possesses things that they want
~A person who has qualities that they envy
~A person who appears to be generous
~A person who gives them praise and positive attention only
~A person who appears to have access to things, places, people and opportunity that they want for themselves.
~A person who appears to have several of the above factors
People with Narcissism, especially "NPD", don't really make connections with other people just because they LIKE them, and because they have common interests. They make connections instead with people who they think will enhance their own image and their own lives.
If a person they were attracted to and were pursuing romantically or otherwise turns out NOT to have whatever it was they thought they had, or loses whatever it was (like popularity, wealth, success, very good looks), they will drop the person and go looking for a "new one".
If they were pursuing a romantic interest, for example, because they thought he or she was POPULAR, and well-liked or well-known, then if the person's popularity dropped off, or if their certain FRIENDS didn't like the person or made fun of the person, or if it turned out they were wrong about the person's level of 'fame' and popularity.... they would stop wanting to be with the person, and even 'despise' the person... as if it was the person's "fault" somehow.
They were not interested in the actual PERSON, they were interested in what they thought the person HAD, which in this case was popularity and/or fame.
They were seeking the effects of being the partner of a person who is popular, well-known, or famous.
They didn't care about the relationship BETWEEN themselves and the other person, or about the person.
The Narcissist who discards another person because they no longer find them attractive or useful will often try to blame the other person for the discard/break-up somehow, so they can avoid their motives being exposed to others.
They might be unaware that this is what they're doing; some people with Narcissism actually delude themselves, and hide their own motives from themselves by twisting the reasons for their changed feelings into something else completely, usually something about how 'awful' or 'crazy' the other person is.
However many others are completely aware, and twist the real reasons into something very exaggerated or completely fictional in order to convince OTHER people that it was entirely the other person's "fault". Smear campaigns designed to destroy a person's reputation are usually loaded with name-calling, accusations, and generally aggressive, hostile language, and are usually all about what a "nutjob" or "bitch" the targeted person is, instead of consistent accounts of events. Such as: "I just couldn't stand her bitching, whining, and complaining anymore! Whaa, whaa, whaa... when are we gonna get married... why won't you talk to me... when are you gonna pay me back...I know everything... whaa whaa whaa...and then she had the nerve to tell me I couldn't smoke in my own house"
(Sociopaths, however, with a certain level of intelligence can be skilled at telling real-sounding stories, but without actual evidence and proof, one can not tell for sure if they're lying or not. So it's best to suspend belief and judgment, and don't buy into rumors, they're usually false, twisted, or embellished anyway if they reach a third party's ear. If it wouldn't be admissible in court, don't believe or disbelieve; suspend judgment.)
Narcissists often seem to believe that their motivations and actions are normal, healthy, and indicative of being a stable, robust, intelligent human being, and that those who connect with others for reasons of the heart, reasons of kinship, and reasons of genuine friendship are either "weak", "ignorant", or "faking it".
"Why did he ask her out if she's 'such a bitch?' "
"Dude, because she's hot! Everybody else thinks so, what's wrong with you? Plus she's got some high level job, so she's got cash. What's not to like?"
"Umm, because he says she's a pain in the ass...?"
"Dude, so what, all chicks are a pain in the ass, especially the smart ones. It's the price you pay."
"Why does she go out with him if he's so boring?"
"Duh, because look at him, stupid! Didn't you see his eyes, and that ass? Plus he's an executive VP at a huge company. He's got like a Master's degree or something."
"So what, why doesn't she find someone she actually LIKES?"
"What do you mean?!?"
Targets that are attractive to those with Narcissism often include:
~A person whom they find physically attractive, especially if they find them VERY physically attractive.
~A person whom they think OTHER PEOPLE find physically attractive
~A person who seems to be POPULAR, well liked, accepted by a larger group
~A person who appears to be a member of a group of wealthy, famous, or powerful people (family, career, or otherwise)
~A person who seems to be wealthy
~A person who seems to have wealth and success in their future
~A person who seems to possess ability, skill, and/or talent above and beyond others
~A person whom they assume that they can control and dominate
~A person who appears to have control and power over others
~A person who possesses things that they want
~A person who has qualities that they envy
~A person who appears to be generous
~A person who gives them praise and positive attention only
~A person who appears to have access to things, places, people and opportunity that they want for themselves.
~A person who appears to have several of the above factors
People with Narcissism, especially "NPD", don't really make connections with other people just because they LIKE them, and because they have common interests. They make connections instead with people who they think will enhance their own image and their own lives.
If a person they were attracted to and were pursuing romantically or otherwise turns out NOT to have whatever it was they thought they had, or loses whatever it was (like popularity, wealth, success, very good looks), they will drop the person and go looking for a "new one".
If they were pursuing a romantic interest, for example, because they thought he or she was POPULAR, and well-liked or well-known, then if the person's popularity dropped off, or if their certain FRIENDS didn't like the person or made fun of the person, or if it turned out they were wrong about the person's level of 'fame' and popularity.... they would stop wanting to be with the person, and even 'despise' the person... as if it was the person's "fault" somehow.
They were not interested in the actual PERSON, they were interested in what they thought the person HAD, which in this case was popularity and/or fame.
They were seeking the effects of being the partner of a person who is popular, well-known, or famous.
They didn't care about the relationship BETWEEN themselves and the other person, or about the person.
The Narcissist who discards another person because they no longer find them attractive or useful will often try to blame the other person for the discard/break-up somehow, so they can avoid their motives being exposed to others.
They might be unaware that this is what they're doing; some people with Narcissism actually delude themselves, and hide their own motives from themselves by twisting the reasons for their changed feelings into something else completely, usually something about how 'awful' or 'crazy' the other person is.
However many others are completely aware, and twist the real reasons into something very exaggerated or completely fictional in order to convince OTHER people that it was entirely the other person's "fault". Smear campaigns designed to destroy a person's reputation are usually loaded with name-calling, accusations, and generally aggressive, hostile language, and are usually all about what a "nutjob" or "bitch" the targeted person is, instead of consistent accounts of events. Such as: "I just couldn't stand her bitching, whining, and complaining anymore! Whaa, whaa, whaa... when are we gonna get married... why won't you talk to me... when are you gonna pay me back...I know everything... whaa whaa whaa...and then she had the nerve to tell me I couldn't smoke in my own house"
(Sociopaths, however, with a certain level of intelligence can be skilled at telling real-sounding stories, but without actual evidence and proof, one can not tell for sure if they're lying or not. So it's best to suspend belief and judgment, and don't buy into rumors, they're usually false, twisted, or embellished anyway if they reach a third party's ear. If it wouldn't be admissible in court, don't believe or disbelieve; suspend judgment.)
Narcissists often seem to believe that their motivations and actions are normal, healthy, and indicative of being a stable, robust, intelligent human being, and that those who connect with others for reasons of the heart, reasons of kinship, and reasons of genuine friendship are either "weak", "ignorant", or "faking it".
