In
communities, families, and groups where Narcissism is largely present,
healthy relationships are NOT supported by the larger group.
They are more often openly sabotaged due to envy and control being so commonplace and "normalized" in the group.
A couple "in love" in such an environment is often sabotaged by others with all kinds of undermining tactics, for a few reasons that are all about control and power.
The sayings about how there's nothing more attractive than someone who's in a committed relationship shows just how common envy and control are in the human species.
Being more attracted to a person who's "taken" or "wanted" than when they're "single" is all about one's own envy and control issues: "I want what I can't have, I want what other people have got, I'm only interested in something or someone when others want them too; I like to take things and people away from others."
One of the common behaviors found in groups where Narcissism is present shows this type of envy very clearly~ flirting with, and trying to get sexual attention from, men or women who are IN committed relationships. This is not just "Human Nature" that "everyone does", (sorry kids but no, it's not). This is a POWER display. If Sheila can get Scott to respond sexually to her, she feels like she's "WON" in her competition for "sexy woman" against Scott's wife.
It's not SCOTT she's really after, it's the feeling of "Winning".
If Scott dumps his wife for her, it's nearly guaranteed that she'll do it again with some other couple (she probably does it quite often). (And Scott will probably cheat on her like he did with his wife).
By the same token, John does the same thing as Sheila, trying to "lure" women away from other men with flirtation and the pretense of "genuine caring" and "friendship". Every time he's successful, he feels like he's WON in the competition with the other men that exists in his imagination.
Both John and Sheila are most likely addicted to the feel-good-neurochemicals they produce when they feel like they've "won out" over someone else. Possibly also to sex, which also produces many neurochemicals. Their damaged egos are fed and inflated at the expense of other people.
Other behaviors that are commonplace in groups where Narcissism is present are just as destructive to couples, and frankly even more sinister, because the people involved can easily cover up and rationalize their behavior.
"Friends" or family members try to separate the couple or destroy the bond between them. They might try to set one of them up with another person (a "hot chick" or a "hot guy"), or encourage them to follow any attraction feelings toward someone else. They will often even try to get a person intoxicated enough so that they're more likely to lose their bearings and go through with infidelity.
So the "friend" or family member is not actually DOING the "cheating", but they're trying to make it happen.
They might try to convince one of the couple that the other one is "no good", or "not good enough for them", a "slut", "stuck-up", or even "out of their league".
They might create false rumors about one of them, hoping that the other will believe them and turn against their partner.
A common tactic is to INVITE ONLY ONE OF THEM to events and celebrations, purposely putting the person in a "double-bind".
If a person seeks support from others in such an environment for their relationship, they are much more likely to receive "advice" telling them to BREAK UP, to "DUMP" their partner, than help or advice with improving their relationship.
(And it's important to note: in environments where Narcissism is present, an abuse target or betrayed partner is often told the opposite: to STAY WITH their abusive or traitorous partner, and even that the abuse or betrayal is "their fault".)
In such Narcissistic environments, a given couple is often treated as if THEIR "couplehood" is childish, or "just sexual", or "puppy love", as if THEY aren't one of the "REAL" couples, the "IMPORTANT" couples.
~IT'S ALL ABOUT CONTROL.
Keeping control over the person who "belongs" in the group by "getting rid of" the "interloper" who might EXPOSE the CONTROL tactics.
(Scapegoats in a group are often treated this way WHENEVER they are in a relationship, or even a platonic friendship. This is about CONTROL, AND "HIERARCHY".
It doesn't matter WHO the other person is that the Scapegoat has a relationship with, or what they're like. If one pays close attention, they will notice that everything in the Scapegoat's life is treated as if it's not important, not the right decision, not a "real" job or career; not even their pets are treated as if they're "real" by others; their dog or cat is just some stray that they "really should get rid of..." So it's not surprising that their relationships are cast in the same light.)
FAMILIES and relationships between PARENTS AND CHILDREN are ALSO treated in the same way by others.
People in the surrounding group will often try to put wedges between family members, turn children against their own parent, turn cousins against one another, turn siblings against one another.
One family is treated like they're not really "real", and another will be treated like they're "pillars of the community" or of the family.
In such communities and families, one sibling in a family will be treated like "The Responsible, GOOD One", and another will be treated as "The Lazy One" or something else negative.
People are always being compared to one another, LABELED, JUDGED, and then either put on a PEDESTAL, or treated like DIRT.
~In order to keep this extreme dysfunction going, relationships MUST be CONTROLLED, because anyone with a healthy awareness would see through it all and throw a monkey wrench in the manipulation.
This is why the current divorce rate is SO HIGH, why there is so much INFIDELITY, and why there is so much domestic violence and emotional and mental illness.
ALL societies throughout history that saw a serious increase in Narcissism have come apart at the seams in the same way.
The only groups and societies that remain healthy are the ones that have more humility than arrogance, more genuine humor than power and control-mongering, more equality than superiority-seeking, and more supportiveness FROM and TOWARD all members of the group than self-centeredness.
They are more often openly sabotaged due to envy and control being so commonplace and "normalized" in the group.
A couple "in love" in such an environment is often sabotaged by others with all kinds of undermining tactics, for a few reasons that are all about control and power.
The sayings about how there's nothing more attractive than someone who's in a committed relationship shows just how common envy and control are in the human species.
Being more attracted to a person who's "taken" or "wanted" than when they're "single" is all about one's own envy and control issues: "I want what I can't have, I want what other people have got, I'm only interested in something or someone when others want them too; I like to take things and people away from others."
One of the common behaviors found in groups where Narcissism is present shows this type of envy very clearly~ flirting with, and trying to get sexual attention from, men or women who are IN committed relationships. This is not just "Human Nature" that "everyone does", (sorry kids but no, it's not). This is a POWER display. If Sheila can get Scott to respond sexually to her, she feels like she's "WON" in her competition for "sexy woman" against Scott's wife.
It's not SCOTT she's really after, it's the feeling of "Winning".
If Scott dumps his wife for her, it's nearly guaranteed that she'll do it again with some other couple (she probably does it quite often). (And Scott will probably cheat on her like he did with his wife).
By the same token, John does the same thing as Sheila, trying to "lure" women away from other men with flirtation and the pretense of "genuine caring" and "friendship". Every time he's successful, he feels like he's WON in the competition with the other men that exists in his imagination.
Both John and Sheila are most likely addicted to the feel-good-neurochemicals they produce when they feel like they've "won out" over someone else. Possibly also to sex, which also produces many neurochemicals. Their damaged egos are fed and inflated at the expense of other people.
Other behaviors that are commonplace in groups where Narcissism is present are just as destructive to couples, and frankly even more sinister, because the people involved can easily cover up and rationalize their behavior.
"Friends" or family members try to separate the couple or destroy the bond between them. They might try to set one of them up with another person (a "hot chick" or a "hot guy"), or encourage them to follow any attraction feelings toward someone else. They will often even try to get a person intoxicated enough so that they're more likely to lose their bearings and go through with infidelity.
So the "friend" or family member is not actually DOING the "cheating", but they're trying to make it happen.
They might try to convince one of the couple that the other one is "no good", or "not good enough for them", a "slut", "stuck-up", or even "out of their league".
They might create false rumors about one of them, hoping that the other will believe them and turn against their partner.
A common tactic is to INVITE ONLY ONE OF THEM to events and celebrations, purposely putting the person in a "double-bind".
If a person seeks support from others in such an environment for their relationship, they are much more likely to receive "advice" telling them to BREAK UP, to "DUMP" their partner, than help or advice with improving their relationship.
(And it's important to note: in environments where Narcissism is present, an abuse target or betrayed partner is often told the opposite: to STAY WITH their abusive or traitorous partner, and even that the abuse or betrayal is "their fault".)
In such Narcissistic environments, a given couple is often treated as if THEIR "couplehood" is childish, or "just sexual", or "puppy love", as if THEY aren't one of the "REAL" couples, the "IMPORTANT" couples.
~IT'S ALL ABOUT CONTROL.
Keeping control over the person who "belongs" in the group by "getting rid of" the "interloper" who might EXPOSE the CONTROL tactics.
(Scapegoats in a group are often treated this way WHENEVER they are in a relationship, or even a platonic friendship. This is about CONTROL, AND "HIERARCHY".
It doesn't matter WHO the other person is that the Scapegoat has a relationship with, or what they're like. If one pays close attention, they will notice that everything in the Scapegoat's life is treated as if it's not important, not the right decision, not a "real" job or career; not even their pets are treated as if they're "real" by others; their dog or cat is just some stray that they "really should get rid of..." So it's not surprising that their relationships are cast in the same light.)
FAMILIES and relationships between PARENTS AND CHILDREN are ALSO treated in the same way by others.
People in the surrounding group will often try to put wedges between family members, turn children against their own parent, turn cousins against one another, turn siblings against one another.
One family is treated like they're not really "real", and another will be treated like they're "pillars of the community" or of the family.
In such communities and families, one sibling in a family will be treated like "The Responsible, GOOD One", and another will be treated as "The Lazy One" or something else negative.
People are always being compared to one another, LABELED, JUDGED, and then either put on a PEDESTAL, or treated like DIRT.
~In order to keep this extreme dysfunction going, relationships MUST be CONTROLLED, because anyone with a healthy awareness would see through it all and throw a monkey wrench in the manipulation.
This is why the current divorce rate is SO HIGH, why there is so much INFIDELITY, and why there is so much domestic violence and emotional and mental illness.
ALL societies throughout history that saw a serious increase in Narcissism have come apart at the seams in the same way.
The only groups and societies that remain healthy are the ones that have more humility than arrogance, more genuine humor than power and control-mongering, more equality than superiority-seeking, and more supportiveness FROM and TOWARD all members of the group than self-centeredness.
