Control Habit: Mismatching

"Mismatching" is the practice of finding things that don't match, obviously, and finding things that are incorrect, flawed, wrong, or that are are incongruous or unsymmetrical.

Using it for the purpose of putting someone down, judging them, shaming them, and humiliating them is a common practice for those who seek control or superiority over others.

Mismatching in and of itself is not negative at all, we need it as much as we need "Matching" to keep things running smoothly, figure out solutions, make progress and make repairs to pretty much anything, from planes trains and automobiles to how we relate with the natural world around us, to healthcare, government, science, religion, to personal human relationships. We need both to play games and to make music, to cook, to do accounting, to keep a job, and to raise a family, and to build and maintain friendships. We need both to write and do artwork, and we need them both to run a government smoothly.

When there is healthy planning and building going on, both Mismatching and Matching are happening at the same time in a balanced way, WITHOUT inserting personal preferences, personal favorites, personal resentments, personal dislikes, or personal ego.

People can do "Matching" and "Mismatching" without making it personal, either about themselves or about others, if they maintain objectivity or are genuinely interested in a project, a plan, a solution, or peace and happiness.

(Imagine if most government officials did this instead of what they usually do.) 

Humans tend to have a hard time keeping their personal issues to themselves and staying objective, so they tend to do "Matching" when they LIKE something or someone, and do "Mismatching" when they resent, dislike or envy something or someone.

In other words, they point out things that are "good" or "right" about who and what they like and favor, and point out things that are "wrong" or "incorrect" about who and what they dislike or resent.

Habitual "Mismatchers" do this on a regular basis, more than others, and use it to single people out, bully them, put them down, and humiliate them in front of others. They also tend to use it to get what they want as opposed to doing the right thing.

For example, on Facebook, when a "Mismatcher" agrees with a post, likes it, or it doesn't strike a nerve in their ego, or when they're a "fan" of the poster, they tend to ignore any flaws or typos, and tend to give their stamp of approval for the content of the post. They're displaying good manners because they LIKE it, or like the person~ BUT when someone they resent posts something, they'll look for an excuse to criticize something about the post, or look for an opportunity to argue with or insult the poster. They'll often do it right on the post, or they'll do it offline, talking about it with other people.

It's not because they felt like they needed to say something because the post was so "off" or "wrong" in some way, or because they wanted to share their own point of view (not the same as mismatching). It was because they were LOOKING for an excuse to criticize the person posting. They would ignore "flaws" either in type or content when it's someone they LIKE or agree with, and even make excuses for them, five minutes after they just tried to tear someone else apart for the same exact "flaw".

"Mismatchers" scan for things that they might be able to use as an opportunity to blame or criticize someone for, and will try to use anything at all to turn into a "flaw", or say that it's "incorrect", or even "crazy", in order to put the person down.