Real Friends, Real Partners, Possessiveness

The real friend or partner who cares about you also cares about your other friends and your family members. A friend or partner who avoids interaction with you and your friends, but interacts with their other friends and family with normal enthusiasm without you, (as if you do not belong to that group), does not simply have social anxiety.

They may only interact with your friends when they are ...

motivated by anger, jealousy, or when they find one of them attractive.
They are doing what they want to do, what they choose to do. Take it at face value.

If they are worried about what you are doing and who you are talking to, but react defensively when you ask them the same thing, they are showing that you are not a full "person" to them. Do they treat their other friends that way?

Possessiveness is when a person wants to own another person, but does not really want to be their true friend. When we own something, we do not feel the need to empathize with it, it is a thing. We want it to stay and do what we want. Of course many people who are possessive will flatly deny it, and become very upset if accused of it, but it's not hard to see.

A possessive person will not call you, but will be miffed if you don't call them. They will monitor who you talk to, but will not participate in the discussion. They want to know where you are and what you're doing, but they don't want to come along. They want to do things without you, and with other people, and they don't really want you to join them, or be a part of their discussions. They want you to care about them and for them, understand, empathize, and listen, but do not do the same for you past their comfort zone. (For example, if they need to be taken to the hospital, and you have to drive an hour, they would expect you to take them, even if they say the opposite. Saying that they don't expect it is simply a cover for the fact that they have no intention of being there for you, even if they were in the next town.)

If you ask them to do something that's important to you, they may or may not do it; but probably not. If they do, it has to be convenient for them, and not uncomfortable. However they expect you to be fully understanding of all things important to them. (They will even forget why you could not do something for them, like if you had to take your father to the hospital and could not help them that day, they will only remember that you weren't there, not why.)

They will not include you in quite a lot, including information or activities that affect you directly, but they want you to keep them fully informed of yours, and they usually want veto power over your activities and who you do them with. In other words, you love to go to the beach: they will not go with you, but they will be uncomfortable about you going without them. At the same time, they will go do something that you would like to do, but will not invite you, and will often meet up with other people. It's all about them having a real, full, and autonomous life, mostly without you, and without your approval, but they will deny this; and you having to report and receive approval from them, even though they are not going to participate in very much at all with you, or with you and your friends.

Why were they wanting to be your friend or partner in the first place? Possibly because they saw you as something to be acquired. If they thought you were well-liked, then that makes you attractive; if they thought you are seen as beautiful by the world, that makes you attractive to them as well. You will notice that when you talk, they don't really listen, they mostly try to either argue, or dismiss you. What are the things you DO together, like buddies do? Anything? How often? When is the last time you wanted to do something and they said "Yeah! That sounds like fun!" and they just WENT ALONG? When is the last time you tried to express your pain from the relationship, and they said "I'm sorry, what can we do to fix it?" and they actually followed through? When is the last time they participated in a discussion with you and other people, say, on your Facebook posts? They don't do this because they don't want to be seen talking to you in a "real" way, and they also may be enjoying watching others insult you.

Take things at face value when it comes to relationships, friendship or romantic, and don't let your mind trick you into believing it is what it's not.

Women Are Wrong?

Many male and female humans tend to jump at the chance to oppose and argue with a female human, before and without fact-checking. Both male and female humans tend to hesitate before opposing and arguing with a male human, and will often even avoid fact-checking for themselves, and simply believe them. This is an effect of a patriarchal society.
You can check it yourself by observing the way you react to this very paragraph, knowing it was written by a female human.
What is your reaction~
Are you
1) Compelled to dismiss it?
2) Oppose it?
3) Argue with it?
4) Personally attack or try to insult me, or women in general?
5) Do you take it at face value and simply believe it?
6) Go look through years of observation and research to see if there have been other studies on the subject. 7) Observe very objectively whether this holds true in yourself, and those around you.
8) Accept it as a possibility that may or may not be true, and maybe look at it more closely.
9) It's something that I have already observed.

Most will do the first three.
Those who can not separate topics about human behavior from feeling like it's about them personally will do #4.
If I were a male, and I wrote the exact same paragraph, more people would do #5.
Very few will do #6.
A small number of people who make it a habit of being objective and observant will do #7, and #8 will only be done by those who are scientifically minded.
VERY few can hold a calm and objective discussion about this subject without having a defensive emotional reaction, or an angry reaction from being on the receiving end of this treatment in the past.

My Sister Is A Slut

There are no Scarlet Letters in a healthy family. When you and other family members set up one of your family members as a Scapegoat, you are damning them to a life of struggle, and their children, and their children's children. This is not opinion, it's fact. A healthy family does not exile or scapegoat a child, or anyone else, and the fact is, most who are set up as Scapegoats are not actually ... the kind of person they are made out to be. ONLY unhealthy people do that; gossip about one of their own, turn on one of their own, make one of their own a target for a "bad reputation", Victim-blame them as if all the things they went through was their fault. (abusers always blame the victim. Healthy people want EVERYONE to be happy and healthy, and included in the Family, they don't trash and blame and ostracize.) Those who have been Scapegoated can do this as well to someone else, as an attempt to get out of being the targeted one; they pick someone else, usually a person who they think is not going to bite back, as the "new" Scapegoat, and proceed to trash them, abuse them, use them, and trying to convince others to see them as a bad person. Scapegoating is about making one's own self look innocent and good, and another person look bad. That's not what people who care do. Once your family has scapegoated one of its members (usually because someone is protecting whoever abused that person, and/or because someone is jealous of that person), they will no longer receive normal emotional support, normal respect, normal inclusion, normal anything. Family members will play "keep away" with all the regular resources and support from this person, and WATCH as that person's self-esteem crumbles, and if this person tries to get away from this abuse, they will try to cast even more shame and blame on them. They WANT this person to be close enough so they can keep them as a Scapegoat, they certainly don't want this person to escape their web and find success. Scapegoats often keep trying to gain back their membership status in the family group, to be seen and respected as a fully viable and "real" member who deserves the same respect that others are getting. However- no matter WHAT the Scapegoat EVER does, the rest of the family will STILL continue to degrade, dismiss, and belittle them. If a Scapegoat became President of the United States, they will say that he or she slept or bought their way to the top. They will never let go of the Scapegoating, they NEED to have someone to stand on TOP of in order to feel like there is someone they are "better than". They will do this to the children of the Scapegoat as well, and they will also TEACH the Scapegoat's children, directly or by behavior and example, to DISRESPECT the Scapegoat (the child's parent). This will lead to yet more lives filled with heartache, without normal resources and normal emotional support that other family members enjoy. Another foolish and common human tragedy that people just keep doing, and don't try to stop.

Why Is It So Hard?

One of the reasons it's so devastating to deal with a romantic relationship, or a friend, that turns out to be a Narcissist, is because many of us actually were bonding with someone we thought was our ALLY and stand up with us, and for us, against the N abuse we had already gone through in our family lives. We thought we had finally found someone to be our True Ally. For them to be the opposite of this is mind-blowing, it would be for anyone. Picture a King or Queen going into battle, defending their benevolent realm against a long time enemy who keeps trying to tear down the walls and take over the land. At their side as they ride into battle is their most trusted Knight. Suddenly when the battle starts to get scary, the Knight rides away, leaving the Queen or King to fight on their own, no one at their back against the evil enemy. The Queen or King looks up, and there, across the field, among the ranks of the enemy, walking their horse calmly and peacefully, talking with the enemy's ranks, is their MOST TRUSTED, Number One Ally, their number one Knight. The N parent or family member already did this years ago. To find yet another person who would betray us in the same way, who is not even a family member who is already in that dysfunctional web, who has zero personal issues in common with us, is devastating. NOW what do we do? We have to A) Win this fight, and with them on the side against us instead of with us, our entire battle has changed, and we find ourselves outnumbered, and with more enemies than we knew, and now we have no idea who is against us on the INSIDE B) Turn tail and run; intellectually we know we had better do this because we have been tricked, and don't know how deep that goes. But we also know that running away will add to the damage that our reputation has already suffered; but we have no choice; it's either turn back, or die. C) When we get back, we must rebuild our kingdom from the ground up. People will talk about us incessantly, many who have N and control issues will blame US for the Knight leaving our side, even say we DROVE them away. D) We have to guard against allies that the Knight has within the kingdom. We have no idea who to trust, or who is plotting against us. E) We KNOW that the Knight has brought our secrets to the enemy, because we believed we could trust them with our secrets a long time ago. F) Our anxiety level, based on REAL events and situations, has gone through the roof; now it is much harder to sleep, eat, and figure out what to do. G) The Knight is threatening that if we don't let him/her back into the kingdom, he will wreak havoc. He tells everyone that we are crazy, and a tyrant, and he tells everyone that the gold that is missing (that he stole) was actually lost by YOU in a gambling ring, or in irresponsible spending. (People believe him because they like to hear about others doing something wrong) H) We realize that the easiest way out, safely, is to leave everything we loved and that was familiar, behind. All we built, all we accomplished. I) We are scared. We fear that wherever we turn, whatever we do, there will be someone watching us, judging us, trashing us, blocking us, punishing us, undermining us. J) We are OVERWHELMED. This makes it very difficult to see the LIGHT that still shines, the hope that still lies ahead, and the goodness that is still in our future.

Control Issues

People who like to stay in control will often change the subject of the conversations frequently. Whether they bring up a topic or not, they will change it the moment they feel that they are not in control of the direction of the discussion. Them: "The lady across the street has a cocker spaniel. Those dogs are yappy and can be vicious." You: "Oh yes, I've seen it. It's a nice dog, she came up to... me and let me pet her head~" Them: "I need to clean the refrigerator. You'll be here to help me, won't you~" (Regaining control of the conversation by diverting the subject, because their opinion was being shown not to prove true~ and regaining control of YOU by volunteering you to help with their work. A controlling person does not ask for help, they demand it from whomever they want to keep control over, regardless of the other person's schedule.) <<(Just to be clear, that is not the same as a parent requiring a child to do chores. Children being assigned tasks in the home is a normal and healthy part of family raising, especially when it is done in a scheduled preplanned, and pleasant way, or when it is used as a punishment for actual misbehavior.)

Codependency and Judgment

Codependency uses judgment as a way to feel good about one's self. This is learned from someone else at some point in childhood.
"She is always late, she's a bad person."
"His car is rusty, he's a bad person."
"Her car is dirty, she's not as good as us."
"She's pretty, therefore she is stuck up."
"He's clean cut, therefore he is not masculine enough."
"He likes different music, he's not as cool...

as us."
"She talks to that person, she must be having sex with him."
"She talks to them, she must be doing drugs with them."
"They play rock music, they must be drug users."
"She doesn't smoke pot, therefore she is 'high and mighty'"
etc etc etc
"He doesn't have a college degree, he must be stupid, lazy, or shiftless."
"She's nice, she must be weak, naive, dumb"
"She's nice AND pretty, she must be weak, naive, dumb, and promiscuous"
"He's single and not a jerk, he must be gay"
"She likes to build and fix things, she must be gay"
"I don't like her dress, she is a bad person"
"She is friendly to both my husband and I, she must be after him"
"She smiled at me, she must want "it", and she's "easy""
"He has nice clothes, he must be rich"
"He seems smart, he must be a good person, and succesful"
It goes on and on and on.

Helping Angry Men By Ron Potter-Efron

"A positive goal is important with all clients, of course, but especially with angry clients, who often mistakenly set only the negative goal of being less angry. I explained to Devron that only setting a negative goal like quitting being angry was like deciding that a car that currently could only go in reverse would be just fine if you could get it to stay in neutral. The idea is to move forward in life, to get that car moving ahead. Of course this same idea applies to only quitting drinking (instead of leading a sober lifestyle) or stopping being critical (instead of giving praise).

Get Off The College Degree Prejudice

The English Suffix -ology or '''-logy''' denotes a field of study or academic discipline, and '''-ologist''' describes a person who studies that field. Psychology is the STUDY OF mental processes in living creatures. A person who is a psychologist does not necessarily do all, or any, of the things that are commonly thought of, they don't have to be a counselor. They don't have to be doing anything at all professionally, and their studies, just like any other studies, do not have to follow certain "guidelines". In order to get certain DEGREES or CERTIFICATES in the field of PSYCHOLOGY, one must complete the required courses that go with that degree. A musician for example, in this free country, can study music in any way they choose. They don't have to have a certain degree to be considered a "real musician". No one is going to tell them to stop studying music unless they do it in the "traditional" way that makes everyone else feel comfortable. Well maybe some people will... But LEARNING ABOUT MUSIC and playing it, and writing it, does not require that one attends Berklee, or that one actually graduates. One does not have to go to Johnson and Wales, or France, to learn how to cook, or graduate MIT to become a software designer. There are many, many programmers who learned completely on their own, or had a little bit of schooling. This society is now obsessed with degrees and certificates. A 24 year old with a business degree, and zero work experience, will be hired to manage groups of employees who have a huge amount of experience, and would often be much more efficient and successful in the managerial position. We need to STOP this obsession and prejudice with degrees. If someone studies something, they are an ---ologist. If they get their degree, then they have acquired a degree in that subject as well. They are not "obsessed" with a subject just because they did not graduate Columbia or Brown with a Master's, it is THEIR path, THEIR interest, THEIR passion. So unless you want to be told to put down your guitar because someone else doesn't think you should be learning music without going to Berklee, or playing it, or writing it; Or your ratchet set because you didn't get your mechanic certificate; Or your binoculars and camera because you didn't get a degree in Ornithology, or your spatula because you didn't graduate Johnson and Wales, then stop trying to tell other people what they should and should not be interested in, or studying, or writing and talking about. List of "ologies" : http://chemistry.about.com/od/mathsciencefundamentals/a/ologylist.htm

Men and Women, Communication

Talking TO another person is worlds apart from talking AT another person. We talk TO whom we respect, and we tend to talk AT whom we don't. The person on the receiving end knows the difference.

Hostile Environment

Hostile Environments are created by the members of the group, when members of the group feel that they possess superior traits, and bond on these supposedly superior traits. Anyone who enters the group, whether it's a small friendship group, a class, a family group, or a workplace, who does not share this "superior trait", will often be treated unkindly, coldly, and with disdain. (Like a 'dirty peasant' who doesn't "belong" in the Royal Courtyard).

You may well be creating a "hostile environment" if you belong to a group of people who have come together based on superficial traits, and if you and your group hold pride in these traits. For example, a Women's History class that is made up of all women, and is led by a female professor, can easily create a hostile environment toward male students. If their focus on the subject is objective and straightforward, then the class may be safe, and all students can learn and participate without feeling like an "outsider". But if the women plug this into their personal egos and identities, and make it about themselves, bonding with each other on their femaleness, "Men Can't Get This, Only We Get This", they are probably creating a hostile environment toward males, AND toward any females who refuse to participate in the "us against them" games. (Women's History is not FOR women, it is HUMAN HISTORY that pertains to everyone, and is FOR everyone.) Such a hostile environment will perpetuate itself; most male students will feel uncomfortable, and drop the class, or not take it in the first place when the atmosphere of the class is talked about. Therefore there will be few men in the class. Not because men "can't get it", or "can't learn it", but because of the hostile environment.

 Any group can do this~ groups based on ethnic identity; "WE" are the "good people" and "They" are the "bad people", "dumb people", "racist people", "arrogant people"~ members of the group are not intellectually able to see themselves or others as individuals. Groups based on Political Parties are very common as well.

Groups based on their age~ teens of all generations do this. "We" understand things that the "older people" don't GET, man! (Remember that?) But older adults do this as well. Of course, these older adults were often the same people who did this as teens. They just change the thing they have in common with the other people they have grouped themselves with. (Baby boomers, for example.) "We" get stuff that no one else gets, man!

Groups based on gender are the most common. People will often believe that another person, whom they know NOTHING about, has similar skills, life experience, knowledge, and interests all because they are the same gender as themselves. Or that the person will automatically bond with them, or be on their "side" against the opposite sex. This creates very hostile environments, separation, division, resentment, and halts productivity and progress.

Like the Women's History class mentioned previously, if for example there is an Advanced Math class, and the professor is a male who has it in his head that males are better at math than females, and there are male students in the class that want to echo his sentiments, (the ego desire to "own" knowledge), then that class will probably be a Hostile Environment toward female students. Not only will there be few females in the class because of this obvious vibe, so the female students will feel exposed and unprotected, but also the male professor will do all kinds of subtle things to avoid acknowledging the female student as a "Real Member" of the group. Any male students who engage in this behavior will NOT be corrected by this professor, he will allow it to happen, pretend he doesn't notice it, turn away when it happens instead of addressing the problem. It is a matter not just of direct bullying by the professor, but of laying down a red carpet for anyone else who desires to display hostility toward the female student.

Hostile Environments are created by those who have ego-identity issues, who desire to be a member of an "elite" group. Those who try to work and learn in such an environment are often sabotaged to the extent that they cannot complete tasks or achieve their goals, which is of course the goal of the members of the group. (Then the group members will say "See, he/she couldn't do it because he/she is not one of us.")

Ego, Memory Lapse, and Ownership

An intriguing, and also often aggravating, thing that some people do on a regular basis is claiming ownership of ideas, knowledge, and things.

A very common example is when a person learns how to do something, and then treats others as if they are stupid or ignorant because they have not learned how to do that yet. As if the knowledge they have...

acquired is innate, they were born knowing it.

People who do this also tend to do something else: they want to be the "One Who Knows", as if the knowledge is a solid object that only one person can own. They will often treat certain others as if they do NOT KNOW what THEY know~ they couldn't possibly... (If they know how to run a machine, you don't. Because in their minds, the knowledge to run the machine is like a stone held in your hand. Only one person can hold a stone. If they are holding it, you can't be holding it.)

I have run into this on a regular basis in the building trades. It looks like sexism, and it is to some extent, but it's not really about that. It's about the individual's ego. "I know something that makes me special" or "I know something that proves I am one of the Men" is very common, and obviously an issue from childhood that was not grown out of. "Masculine knowledge" does not exist in reality; all knowledge can be learned by anyone who wants to learn it. But the sexism is just a symptom; the men who keep trying to prove that a woman does not know what they know ALSO do this to other men, based on any kind of superiority/inferiority issue.

As a personal example, probably the most poignant one I can remember was: a male friend who does manual labor for carpenters part time (he has a full time office job) explained to me for literally 2 hours how he dug holes for footings of a deck, and how much work that was, how much dirt was moved, and how it takes a long time, how difficult, what it was for, etc etc etc, (something he had done the previous summer), and how NO ONE UNDERSTOOD HOW MUCH WORK IT WAS. Why was that poignant? Because he was telling ME all this, as if I had no idea about digging footings, or building decks. That same day I had LITERALLY left work, taken a shower and drove out to meet him~ the shower was to wash off dirt and sweat from DIGGING FOOTING HOLES all day, manually; it was the fourth day of it; I had to dig them manually because of the location, and they had to be extra deep, and the dirt had to be moved up a hill... for MY CONTRACTING BUSINESS. My friend actually interrupted, dismissed, and ignored me every single time I started to explain that yes, I could relate to the difficulty of digging footing holes...
Another glaring example: One day my partner, my employee and I were looking at a kitchen remodel, where the closet wall had to be reconfigured. I assessed it and explained in detail what I thought we needed to do to achieve the goal. The two men were silent until I finished. My partner then proceeded to repeat exactly what I had just said, nearly word for word, explaining it as if he had thought of it completely himself. My employee just stared in surprise~ I said "That's what I just said" my partner said "No you didn't~" my employee said "YES, she DID." That kind of thing happened OFTEN, with lots of different people, in various scenarios.

There are plenty of women who do this as well, especially with things that bolster their identity as a "Woman", just like when men do it. If one of these women knows a recipe, she often convinces herself, and everyone else, that she is the only one who can make that dish, or make it well. This woman often is the "only one who knows how to do the laundry", as if this knowledge is innate. Exactly like the man who believe they are the "only one who knows how to use the chopsaw". This woman is also the Authority On Child Rearing, she is the Only One who know how to wash a baby, how to make bottles, how to hold a baby, how to dress a child, how to discipline a child. How to make a bed. How to vacuum, how to mop, how to fold towels, how to do secretarial tasks. Anything that she knows how to do, especially if it can be labeled "Feminine", she is the authority, and she will condescend to women when she can get away with it. Exactly like this same man will condescend to other men when they can get away with it.

They seem to completely forget LEARNING how to do things. They were simply born knowing everything they know, and they would rather not have someone else share this knowledge.

You can also see this same behavior with THINGS. with many of these same people. If they receive something they like as a gift from you, they often convince themselves that they are the one who acquired the thing all on their own. Sometimes they will even invent a story about acquiring it. If you let them borrow or use your equipment, they often come to believe that it belongs to THEM. They simply forget or delete that the thing is yours. (How many CDs have you lost to this?) I have lost thousands of dollars of tools and equipment over the years to this.

I have also lent things to others who not only decided that it was their own, but "forgot" that I was the one who showed them the thing in the first place, and even that I had any interest or experience in the subject. They completely convinced themselves that they were the one who discovered whatever the interest was, and then proceeded to behave toward me as if I had no knowledge, interest, or experience in the subject at all. They literally have to "Own" EVERYTHING that is in their possession, or in their heads, and they seem to completely delete anything that is related to you giving them the thing, or you doing the thing, or you knowing about the thing.

These men and women will DELETE anything that shows what they believe isn't right in their heads. BOTH men and women who do this also go along very much with gender roles and sexist sabotage; it makes it much easier for them to "Own" knowledge and things in their fantasies. BOTH males and females will dismiss men who are regular cooks in the home, who are the main child-caregiver, male nurses, stay-at-home-fathers, etc, and will dismiss female auto mechanics, politicians, doctors, carpenters, engineers. If something has a "male" or "female" connotation to it in their heads, they will dismiss a person who is not the right sex, and will deny that they could POSSIBLY have any "real" knowledge, skill or experience.

Arrogance is not interested in playing music at his own hearth, with those he shares bread with; he only wants to play for kings. Humility, however, knows where the real gold is spun when the music plays.


(m.black)

Abundant Universe

Just for today give up the fear of competition. We can all share in the dream of abundance when we choose integrity, honor and respect as the terms for constructing our future. ~Edie Britt

An Honor And A Privilege

One of the biggest problems many people have with relationships, be they friend, family, or romantic, is that they believe that the other person HAS to stay with them. Taking relationships with others for granted is a symptom of Entitlement, much like when one believes they deserve to get paid at a job just for showing up. The proof that someone believes they are Entitled to their relationships, and that they do not view them as a privilege, and an honored invitation from another living, sentient being, is when they verbally and/or emotionally attack when the person decides that they've had enough of being taken for granted. To be sure~ How do you know if you are the one who is being "entitled", or who is being taken for granted? It's simple. If your reaction to this is "Why should I treat her/him/them with respect? What have they done to deserve it? And they are supposed to be there for me, not the other way around, and I can't stand them anyway, they're stupid" ~Then you are definitely the one who feels entitled, and you will probably get a rude awakening that you will not understand until you have gone through all kinds of problems in your life that you have created with your entitlement consciousness. Wake up so you can have a good life.

SING! DANCE! MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH BECAUSE YOU FEEL LIKE IT!

Use the talents you may possess: the woods would be silent if no birds sang there
except those who sang best. —Henry Van Dyke

And do not discourage a bird to sing, just because you are arrogant and only want to hear the song of the lark. The bird was born to sing, and you were not born to silence her. Go busy your mouth with something more productive than insulting another. --- Marianne Black

Are You Done Talking Yet

A red flag of Narcissistic people is how they lose interest in the conversation with you when they no longer like the subject. They were not engaged in talking WITH YOU, they were engaged in receiving the attention they were looking for FROM you. As soon as you start talking about something they don't find interesting or find uncomfortable, they will suddenly fade away~ they have to go, or there's...

something else going on, or they have a pain in their leg, or they're tired, any reason to end the conversation. Sometimes they will even make an announcement that the conversation is over, as if they are your authority; either way, if they are being passive-aggressive, or outright rude, they are asserting control over you, and showing that their conversation with you had nothing really to do with their interest in a reciprocal connection. They don't want to hear what you have to say unless they LIKE what you are saying, and agree with it; its not about a connection with you.

They don't know that non-narcissistic people like to have reciprocal conversations, that they enjoy hearing the thoughts and opinions and observations of people they know. They often don't know that differing points of view are GOOD, and not cause for enmity, but actually build connection between people.

Relationship With A Narcissist

You will not ever have a "real" relationship with a person who has Narcissism. They will always live inside their own life, and will not integrate with you. Your life and personhood is not "real" to them, it is not nearly as significant as theirs. Your experiences, your life, your past, your knowledge, wisdom, your aspirations, needs, desires, passion, laughter, hopes, dreams, heart, and soul are ...

no more real to them then if they had watched it on a brief TV documentary about you.

The reason they can not connect is because they don't see anything outside of their own box as being "Real". They built that fort many years ago, and they brought their favorite things in it, and that's the world to them. Their family might be built into it, sometimes even a buddy, usually from childhood or adolescence. But that's it.

If they really want or have to go somewhere, they will put wheels on it, but they won't come out. They see no need to, the real world is inside their sanctuary; you are not "real" unless you come inside; but then, you are assimilated into the rest of the things that are under the N's control.

Continue along with that metaphor for a moment. How do you think the N person would act toward a toy in their collection that came to life, and had their own ideas on how to live? What would happen if that toy wanted to redecorate even a small portion of the fort, or bring in a pet, or go out into the world on an adventure? Would the N person go along with the toy, or would they simply tell it "no", and punish it if it took the initiative anyway? How would the N person feel about the toy having other friends in a normal way, inviting them into the fort, going out to do things with them? Would the N want to go with them, or would the N feel embarrassed about being seen cavorting with a bunch of toys?

The N believes that they are in full control over others, not unlike a child who pretends with dolls. The world only exists as their own version, and anything outside their version is just "wrong".

Kim Cooper has found a way to cure Narcissism, but the task of getting a Narcissist to actually DO anything at all, especially that he or she doesn't feel rewarded for in some way (think ego) is nearly impossible. You can see what it looks like if you want:      
Narcissism Cured

Barack Obama's Ass

Where are all the jokes and criticisms in the media about the candidate's looks, weight, hair, vocal tone, shoes, outfits, and "hotness" factor?

Oh... right... that only happens when the candidates are women. 

I keep forgetting... See, I actually believed it when the adults told me that all American citizens were treated with the same equality and respect  because Americans are above all that petty prejudice Jr. High crap, and I just can't seem to shake that fantasy.

Who and WHAT are you voting for?

Ask yourself if you were running for office, would you want to be attacked like the political ads? Do you think there is nothing in your life your opponent could use against you? Are you that kind of person who would attack another person the way they do? Why would you vote for a person who would do that?

Gift Receiving Etiquette And Narcissism

Interesting thing that narcissists often do is the same behavior that immature children often do~ they don't know how to accept gifts or compliments. Often, when a narcissist receives a gift, they will not accept it gracefully, they will look it over and assess it, judging whether or not they like it or approve of it. If they don't LOVE it, just like a child who has not learned manners, they will SAY SO. They will often reject the gift outright, as if the gift giver has insulted them with their "dumb" gift. The Narcissist feels entitled to receiving gifts, large or small, and has not matured enough to understand that the people in their lives do not exist to serve them. If the N loves the gift itself, they will often do something else interesting; they will assimilate the gift into their list of accomplishments. As if they acquired it on their own. They simply "delete" the fact that the gift was GIVEN to them by another person, and rewrite the story to make themselves the person who went and got the thing, or the money. They see it as something they earned, or found, or created, not as something that was given to them. It looks like it's a way to avoid showing gratitude, but N's seem to actually believe their own reality-rewrites. An exception to this behavior is when the Narcissist has something to gain by displaying good manners; if a person they have a crush on, or a person they want to impress or get on their good side, gives them a gift, then the "good manners" come out, as if it's a natural part of the N's day to day personality. Often if you compliment a Narcissist, they will not say "thank you", they will hear the compliment as an expression of awe about their magnificence, and take the opportunity to expand upon how wonderful and important they are. This Is Spinal Tap has a wonderful scene spoofing this (Language Alert): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NgViOqGJEvM