Generation X

An excellent way to convince entire generations NOT TO prepare for their own futures is to convince them that there might not BE one. Also, get them to believe that there is nothing they can do about it! That they can not be part of the "movers and shakers"!
Jedi Mind Tricks! Don't let them get you!

Anger And Status

One of the preferred methods of convincing a person that they don't have real personal power is to challenge, oppose, and invalidate their anger. If a target expresses anger, even if the reason for the anger is obviously valid to everyone, they will be treated as if they are acting "out of line", or "silly", "whiny", "crazy", or "negative".
The purpose of this belittling is to display "higher status", and to "knock them down a notch".

Expressing anger openly and freely is a privilege that is only afforded to those of higher rank in a primate group, and is seen as a freedom of status. Anger expression is USED as a POWER DISPLAY by both status-displaying primates and status-seeking humans (think "display" as in Silverback Gorillas beating their chests).

SO when a person who is NOT a status-monger expresses anger GENUINELY who does NOT use it as a social power and status display, they won't know WHY they are being treated with disrespect and condescension. It doesn't make sense, because it's completely out of context. Further, their confusion feeds the status-seekers, who will often go further and further with their belittling and invalidating behaviors.

In other words, when status-seeking humans display anger and hostility, they aren't actually just doing it because they are ANGRY. They are doing it as a Power Display. They learned a long time ago to use a display of "anger" as a way to try to display how "powerful" they are.
When NON-status seeking humans display anger, they are actually ANGRY about something that really happened, they aren't playing at a power and status display.
BUT~ any status-seekers who are within EARSHOT of a non-status-seeker's expression of anger will RESPOND AS IF there is a "game" afoot. They hear the "anger display" not as an actual expression of emotion or frustration, but as a CHALLENGE, and they will try to DOMINATE the other person as if that's what THEY are doing.

~Much like a Silverback Gorilla would probably think you were challenging him for his status position if you frantically swatted a swarm of flies that landed on your shirt. You aren't actually challenging him, but that's what it looks like to him, because that's what HE does. He doesn't THINK about what you're doing or not doing, he just responds to his assumption. Humans have similar compulsive reactions to rank-challenges, whether they're real or not. 

Unlike Gorillas, humans try to pretend they don't create and maintain social hierarchies like the other Great Apes. Humans want to believe they are above that sort of thing, but this base, non-intellectual, counter-productive behavior is evident to those who know what it looks like in groups of humans everywhere.

Rhode Island Legalizes Same Sex Marriage

Alright! Congratulations! Rhode Island! 


If marriage is Religious, it should never have been a civil ceremony in the first place. And if it's going to be included in government, then sorry, someone else's religious beliefs about WHO can or can't marry WHO CAN'T apply. It should not be civil, period. It should only be a religious and private ceremony, because it's a RELIGIOUS CEREMONY...hellooooo... Not real difficult. But since it got enmeshed into the dysfunctional governmental process, now you don't have a choice, you have to make it actually non-bigoted and non-partial. (SUCKS, DON'T IT! NEXT they'll be letting GIRLS into COLLEGE! What the hell is this, some kind of "Freedom Land"?!?)

Saying that only men and woman can marry each other because religious doctrine and same sex people can't...that's like saying only people with blue eyes should be allowed to drive a car because Thor had a chariot and he was a Viking. (I would sign that law! Hells yeah! Get about 80% of drivers off the road! No more road rage, no more getting CUT OFF on the HIGHWAY by MORONS! Way less cars! But I would be being a bigoted ass, now, wouldn't I?! And we don't do the bigotry thing here in America...lol..)

(Oh to my "friends" who "hate" gay marriage, please know that I don't give a crap what you think anymore than you ever gave me one iota of respect. (You CAN'T, women, blonds and/or short people aren't real "people", (whichever thing you use)  like you and your buddies, right? Lol. Oh wait, you respected me until you saw this post right? Haha! Another excuse.)  Unfriend me, please, do me a favor. And message me so I can remember who you are, my short term memory is starting to fade.

Condescension And Human Nature

Human beings have a tendency to assume ignorance, naivete, and inexperience about others. Narcissists do this to an extreme, but most people do it on a regular basis to some degree. It seems to be another left-over vestige of childhood that we bring along into adulthood, perhaps because we never had enough cause or consequence to make us think about it.
So when another child cried, Matthew felt stronger in comparison, and assumed the other child was weaker, more delicate, or more fearful than himself, overall. He "forgot" everything else about the other child, how many times that child had helped him, comforted him, and protected him from bullies.
When another child struck out and displayed frustration, Susan felt more skilled in comparison, more experienced, and more confident than the other child, overall. She "forgot" everything else about the other child, like Matthew, like all the times that child had excelled in other games and sports, and the times that child had helped her gain confidence in her own ability.

Many children will simply isolate each incident and event, as if each event is representative of the entire picture. So on Tuesday at school, John wins the 20 yard dash; John now believes he is the "fastest runner in the school". On Thursday, Mary wins the 50 yard dash. John becomes very upset, and starts making excuses like his legs were tired, and Mary had better shoes, and Mary had eaten a candy bar, and he just didn't feel like running. But reality is that Mary usually wins their dash races, or comes in second or third. She has been one of the top runners in their class since first grade, but John simply seems to "forget" everything about Mary. On the day he won the 20 yard dash, he comforted her and told her she would get better if she kept trying.
Why did John do that? Because he's human, and humans do that when we don't pay attention. We especially do it to those who are younger or smaller, and we tend to do it more to females than males. We do it more to those who don't raise red flags in our subconscious about condescension. For example, we would probably do it much more quickly to a clerk than a manager. Much more quickly to a female trainee than a male trainee. Much more quickly to a short male trainee than a tall one. Much more quickly to a student than a teacher. Much more quickly to a female patient or client than a male one.
When we DON'T do it, it's not always because we are vigilant and aware, and respectful of others. It's often just because our subconscious gave us a little 'red flag' warning before we started talking, so we redirected ourselves and did not condescend. In other words, our tendency as humans IS to DO IT, and we don't do it, usually, only because we stop ourselves from doing it because of the OTHER PERSON, because of their size, their sex, or their position. Often factors like race, facial expression, or even the car they drive or their clothes and appearance, or their age can set off our little warning flags. If we don't get any red flag warnings, then we just seem to "forget" all about the evidence we have seen that indicate the experience, intelligence, and capability of that person, and we speak to them as if they "just jumped off the turnip truck". Most of us have this blind spot. We can become more aware just by paying more attention.

No One Cares?

It is just as difficult for an "abuser" to have a genuine friend, or genuine support network, or get proper mental health care, as a "target". The epidemic of narcissism is far and wide, and refusing to be supportive toward friends and family IS the most common and obvious symptom. People leave strangers, even children, lying in the street after a heart attack or getting hit by a car. They stand there and watch in a crowd while a person drowns. That's the same reaction as refusing to act as a supportive ally toward a friend or a family member, and instead withdrawing, or blaming them, throwing hands in the air and claiming "too busy!" when the only things they're "too busy" with is having a good life and making money. If you need a supportive friend, talk to someone who's not a narcissist, who is an actual adult. Even if they're walking through fire in their own lives, they will have time to lend an ear, or a shoulder, or a cup of coffee, and they won't blame you, judge you, or criticize you. A narcissist will, because it makes them feel smart or powerful or something. Seek genuine hearts, even if they're going through pain and tribulation themselves, they will still have time to talk; they don't set a "price" for friendship ,and they don't want to be bowed to. They're hard to find, but when you do find one, respect them and their boundaries, don't overstep at all, and be very grateful, because you are very lucky to have found one.

Respect My Authority! Control Issues, Authority and Status

Taking on an air of "authority" is common in controllers. They desire control, so they imagine themselves as an "authority person". They will seem to take on the behavior, intonation, language and body language of some kind of authority figure, such as a stern, controlling parent, or a stern Headmaster, or a stern Boss, or the way they imagine an "official" acts, a coach, or all of the above. If they knew a such a person in their youth, they may just mimic that person, sometimes right down to specific words and phrases.
 

http://www.danladds.com/167/royal-wedding-retrospect/

Because they have taken on this "authoritative role", they imagine that they deserve the extra "respect" that they think such an authority person is entitled to. They don't really understand CONTEXT. In other words, they don't realize that the Headmaster was acting in the Headmaster position, and the authority and "power" he or she seemed to wield was not INNATE, but was only relevant within the position of Headmaster. When the Headmaster was not performing the job, the "authority" was set down, and not present. The Headmaster was not a "Headmaster" in the rest of life, and did not have innate authority and power just because of WHO HE WAS, or WHO SHE WAS, as if their very being gave them automatic Entitlement.

A person with control issues may see the whole world in the context of "STATUS". They may believe that their sex or their race gives them an automatic "authority" or "status" position. They may believe that becoming a Wife means status and authority; becoming a Husband means status and authority; becoming a Mother is a "status position", or becoming a Father is a "status position". They often transfer this to the world, as well, not just in the home. So they believe that "Father" is a status title, or "Mother", or "Husband", or "Wife". They may see it only a little, or not see it at all, as a relationship, or a partnership, or caring for, loving, and raising children. 
This is one reason why some people will hold on to a relationship or marriage that is obviously terrible, even if they have told their spouse that they hate them, or are regularly betraying them. They aren't holding on to the PERSON, they are holding on to what they believe is a status position.
 
There is a gap in understanding authority and hierarchy. They may see their own mother or father's actions and tone as their entire personality, and the authority he or she seems to possess as all-encompassing. A child may mimic a parent's intonations and body language because they think they will "become" one of the ADULTS, and thereby have authority OVER their siblings. This mimicry can be seen in all kinds of situations where there is a leader in a group; a youth will mimic a coach, a scout leader, a clergy person, a teacher, or an employer, and expect to "become" an authority figure because they have taken on the traits or character of such a person.
Just like a youth will mimic a famous musician because they aspire to become a famous musician, a controller will mimic an authority figure because they want to "become" an authority figure. In their minds, authority figures are "natural" authority figures, and if they "become" one, they will automatically be entitled to superior respect and special treatment.

This is where ego-injury can often be seen ~ when a controller is not actually IN such an authority position, he or she will probably NOT get treated with extra respect. This can feel like DISRESPECT to them, so they can become very offended or angry, and some may become abusive. Also, when a controller over-uses his or her "authority" when they are actually in an authority position, those "under" them (employees, children, students) will eventually become tired of their control issues and rebel.

Those who do not desire control can find it hard to imagine that a person would actually WANT to be "in charge", just to be in charge. A controller will actually take a job that will let them be in control over others, regardless of what the job actually is.

This can be seen in all fields and areas of human-care, including teaching, coaching, medical, psychology, and caregiving. Those who take jobs for this reason are not taking the job for reasons of caregiving, and serious problems usually occur.

Controllers may want to get married or have children so they can have (in their minds) family members to be "in charge of". They are not getting married for actual partnership, and they are not having children to actually raise human beings into happy, well-rounded adults. They are simply trying to procure a position of "status" that THEY believe will entitle them to authority over others.

Controllers will actually go through the work to acquire a college degree, even a law or medical degree, just to procure a position of authority and entitlement. They can become depressed when they actually start working and realize that they did not procure the authority they had assumed they would. They can often become tyrannical toward employees, and arrogant toward clients.

Controllers even often make "friends" with those they think they can play "authority" over, who won't protest very much, or who they believe is less intelligent, capable, or physically strong. When their target "friend" doesn't appreciate their attempts at "authority" over them, they can become very offended and angry, as if the target "friend" is the one who is "out of line".

They take on these control behaviors because they believe they will become a "natural authority person", and therefore will be ENTITLED to authority, in their imagination. That's how they may actually believe the "world" works. And it does, but only within circles of people with control issues and status obsession.

M.M.Black

Beauty and People Beliefs

We all reach adulthood in age and body whether we actually matured or not. Most of us bring many of our childhood assumptions and judgments about others with us, and forget to grow out of them for one reason or another. Sometimes, hopefully, we catch ourselves and have a V8 moment of "wow, I've been thinking that way and didn't even realize it!"

Some of these misperceptions and beliefs that some of us actually truly believe, and live lives by, include:

>The appearance and looks of a person reflects who and what they are inside.

>A person is easy to figure out after meeting them once or twice.

>Women who are "beautiful" think about sex, and must have sex.

(basic projection; when A finds B sexy, A imagines that B finds herself sexy too, and therefore believes that B thinks about sex like A does. A could be male or female.)

>Men who are "beautiful" are all players.

(envy and projection; C imagines that if he were as good looking as D, that's what he would be doing, and would be able to "get away with it".Also jealousy: E imagines that D would never be attracted to her and feels resentment, so she creates a negative profile of D in her mind.) )

>When a woman smiles at a man, or acts friendly, it's because she's sexually attracted to him.

>Ability and intelligence are based on height.

>Ability and intelligence are based on gender.

>Women have only a fraction of the body strength that men have.

>Men are natural leaders, women are natural followers.

>All women are very similar mentally.

>All men are very similar mentally.

>All men are physically stronger than all women, automatically, and are born with a natural ability to build and repair things, which women are not born with.

>All women are physically weaker but more graceful than all men, automatically, and are born with a natural ability to nurture and care for others, which men are not born with.

>All Caucasians are very similar to one another.

>All Africans are very similar to one another.

>All Asians are very similar to one another.

>(Etc.)

>Beauty and good looks are seen the same way by everyone. If I think a woman is beautiful, that means everyone else does, too. If I think a man is unattractive, that means everyone else does, too.

>Taller and bigger people are better leaders, and more grown-up.

 (This is a childhood imprint left-over; adults are taller and bigger, and are the leaders who make things happen and control the resources. That feeling of "whoever is tall or big is an adult" gets imprinted and remains into adulthood)

>Shorter and smaller people are more child-like, and it's okay to boss them around and invade their space.

(Also a childhood imprint left-over; anyone who is shorter than me is younger than me, and is therefore a child, and therefore has less experience, maturity, and authority than I do. And, it is okay to pick up a child, take things away from a child, condescend to a child, and invade their space.)

>Short men have "short man's complex".

>Tall men aren't as bright.

>Short women are like children, and not very strong, and don't have the same rights as other people, and it's okay to treat them with less respect.

>Tall women are stuck-up, bitchy, and like to boss men around.

>Tall women and tall men are automatically beautiful and more attractive, and everyone thinks so.

>All men are attracted to small women, and also women with large breasts.

>All women want men who are rich, or who are physically strong and "tough".

>All women like the same things, and don't like "man" stuff.

>All men like the same things, and don't like "woman" stuff.

>EVERYTHING is divided into "Man Stuff" and "Women Stuff".

>Marijuana is the devil.

>Marijuana is not a drug and has zero ill side effects.

>College degrees indicate intelligence, not having a college degree indicates lower intelligence and lack of capability.


There are of course many more, but all of them are based on a kind of black and white thinking, or "pink and blue" thinking. Young children will often rate an attractive teacher as "nicer" than an older or less attractive teacher on the first day of school, before they have had any interaction with either teacher. Adults will vote for the taller candidate and promote the taller applicant. You can probably find examples of this kind of perceptual immaturity right in your own home, maybe even in yourself and didn't realize it. These are basically snips of childhood that we didn't grow out of for one reason or another, and sometimes nothing big enough happens to shake our tree and make us realize we were thinking this way.
But, some people are INVESTED in these beliefs and perceptions; they came to see the world this way and felt SAFE at some point, so they KEPT these pocket beliefs, HELD ON to them, and simply decided to stay there. They may have even been taught these things by adults who were emotionally invested in this way. 



M.M.Black

Prayer of an Anonymous Abbess

Lord, thou knowest better than myself that I am growing older and will soon be old. Keep me from becoming too talkative, and especially from the unfortunate habit of thinking that I must say something on every subject and at every opportunity.

Release me from the idea that I must straighten out other peoples' affairs. With my immense treasure of experience and wisdom, it seems a pity not to let everybody partake of it. But thou knowest, Lord, that in the end I will need a few friends.

Keep me from the recital of endless details; give me wings to get to the point.

Grant me the patience to listen to the complaints of others; help me to endure them with charity. But seal my lips on my own aches and pains -- they increase with the increasing years and my inclination to recount them is also increasing.

I will not ask thee for improved memory, only for a little more humility and less self-assurance when my own memory doesn't agree with that of others. Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally I may be wrong.

Keep me reasonably gentle. I do not have the ambition to become a saint -- it is so hard to live with some of them -- but a harsh old person is one of the devil's masterpieces.

Make me sympathetic without being sentimental, helpful but not bossy. Let me discover merits where I had not expected them, and talents in people whom I had not thought to possess any. And, Lord, give me the grace to tell them so.

Amen”
― Margot Benary-Isbert

Bad Ass

Really sick of this culture of "tough" and "bad ass" and "I'll kick their ass", it's so freaking boring. How is that ego-display any different from morally superior judgment ego-display, or intellectual superiority ego-display? They're exactly the same thing, and they're all based in control, and they all lead to... 

BORING. 

There's no sharing point of view, there's no listening to another person's ideas or experiences, no cooperation to build cool things or make life better (actually better), there's no giving a crap about others or caring for their well-being, it's just control, control, I'm in control, I'm a bad-ass so you better listen to me...I'm smarter than you so you better bow to me... I'm higher in God's eyes so I have the right to look down on you and you better listen to me... I'm BIGGER THAN YOU so you better listen to me...I have bad-ass friends so you better listen to me... I'm rich so you better listen to me... I have a degree so you better listen to me... I'm enlightened so you better listen to me... I'm a woman so you better listen me... I'm a man so you better listen to me... give me a freaking break. Humans are humans are humans. ALL CONTROL IS FROM THE SAME EXACT PLACE. There is no reason that gives that entitlement, like a little crown on a person's head. We are all here on the same ride, it would be WAY MORE FUN if so many kiddies would stop trying to be the BOSS over the other kids.

Why People Treat You Like You're Incapable

When some people keep criticizing you when you do certain things, it may be because they don't want you to do that thing, period.
They don't want you to be proficient at it, or gain confidence in your ability.

John goes down to the ball field to practice. Several other kids are there practicing too, with a couple adults. When Bill gets up to hit, everyone says "go Bill, you can do it, nice job", whether he gets a hit or not. When Jeff gets up to hit, everyone says "go Jeff, nice swing, good job", even if he doesn't get a hit. When John gets up to hit, only a couple of people say "go John". John has an excellent swing and gets a hit on the third pitch, but instead of saying "nice hit, John, good job", one of the adults tells him what he did "wrong". The other kids hear this and chime in too, giving John all kinds of criticisms about his stance, his swing, even the way he runs. They call these "pointers", and "constructive criticism". Reality is, John is one of the best hitters, and the adult is jealous. John is a better hitter than his own child, and seems more skilled than he was at the same age. With enough of this focused, contrived "constructive criticism", John will eventually stop coming to practice, lose interest in baseball, feel like he doesn't fit in, or stop believing that he has any reason to believe he could be good at baseball.

When Susan picks up a hammer and a saw, she's in Heaven, she feels creative and at peace. She loves to build things. Every time one of the people in the neighborhood see her building something, either another kid or an adult, they try to pick out something she's doing "wrong", even if they know very little or nothing about carpentry. They give her all kinds of advice that she doesn't ask for, and they "assess" her work. They compare things she builds and makes to things their uncles, fathers, or grandfathers have made. The only person who does not constantly try to pick her apart is her brother, but his friends all do it every chance they get. Eventually Susan starts trying to hide her projects, but when someone hears her sawing, banging or drilling, they will either make a comment or find her and comment on what she's doing. If they can't find something wrong with what she's doing, they will pick on her clothes or her hair. If that doesn't work, they'll say what she's doing is dangerous. If that doesn't work, they'll try to criticize the actual equipment she's using. Every criticism will be denied, or called "Constructive criticism". The invasion of her space will be denied and laughed off, and if she stands up for herself against their behavior, they will criticize her for that, too.
Really it's a campaign to stop Susan from doing carpentry, because everyone in the neighborhood wants carpentry to be a "male" thing. They don't care about reality, or Susan, obviously. All they care about is trying to force her into fitting into their stereotypes that comfort them. Susan's proficiency and enthusiasm destroy their illusions about males and females, so they target Susan and try to make her STOP. (Hopefully, her brother will remain a solid friend to her and keep supporting her and seeing her for who she really is, and not give in to the peer pressure from his ignorant and immature friends. She will need his friendship and support, otherwise she will probably give up due to the stress of the constant harassment, and give up the very thing that brings her peace and confidence.)

First Impressions

Many people will think they KNOW YOU based on a short list of little things they think they noticed about you.

Have you ever heard "I didn't know you had it in you!"
or "I didn't think you could do that!" or "I had him/her all wrong". Those statements reflect that someone had believed they knew "all about" someone, and had no doubt, even after several years.

They may have met you 5 minutes ago, or 20 years ago. Those who met you 5 minutes ago will often think they've accurately assessed you based on about 5 superficial things that can't possibly reflect who you are, like your size, your sex, your appearance (clothes, hair, makeup, jewelry), the sound of your voice, and most importantly, how you "make them" FEEL. They will probably assess you as "nice" if you seemed friendly to them; they will probably assess you as "not nice" if you did not give them the feeling that you were paying enough attention to them.
If you are dressed conservatively, they will see that as your personality. If you are wearing an Armani suit, they will think they know why. If you are wearing torn jeans, they may think that's what you always wear, and that you don't have any other clothes. If you are dirty from working, they will assess you as a "hard worker" if you're male, but if you're a woman, they won't, they'll just think you should be cleaner (even if they saw you working.) If you are very well groomed, they may instantly assess you one way if you're a man, and another way if you're a woman. (It's not actually about YOU, it's about THEM.) If you are very tall or very small, their assessment will be focused around that, and they will often believe they are either stronger and more experienced than you, or weaker and less experienced than you. If your skin color or hair color is different, they will focus their assessment around that. "She's nice for a white lady" or "He's nice for a black guy", etc. These "assessments" are not based in reality or logic, they are based only on reactions that developed in childhood and adolescence. (There's hardly any actual intellectual activity going on, and very little awareness of personal bias, prejudice, or assumptions.)

Those who met you 20 years ago did that same assessment after 5 minutes, back when they met you 20 years ago. Since then, they have built their impression of you STILL on the way your behavior makes THEM feel. They may not know that you're an excellent cook, or that you rescue animals on a regular basis, or that you used to own your own company, or that you race motorcycles, or that you are a sculptor, etc., even after 20 years. Why? Because they think they already knew everything about you a long time ago. They created a "profile" of you in their imagination years ago, and that's what they believe about you. Their profile of you is most likely pretty far off the mark, and are missing large chunks of the reality of "YOU".

Humans do this kind of assuming that they "know" much more than they actually do all the time. It's our subconscious's way of protecting us from our own anxiety, which lets us move through life without constantly getting STUCK. But without the awareness that our brains do this, we tend to believe our assumptions fully, and don't remember that we DON'T KNOW everything about a thing, a subject, or a PERSON. (If we know how to make an omelette, we might think we're an excellent cook, and that we are Omelette Masters. We think we know basically everything there is about making Omelettes, so we don't seek more information, and we don't want to hear someone TELL US how THEY make an omelette. We do this with everything, sometimes just a little, and sometimes to a ridiculous degree. Some do it less, some do it more.)

When people meet you, what do they see?
Picture what the world looks and sounds like when you are wearing a helmet with a face shield. What can you see and hear? It's not even close to what's really around you. You can't see much, and you can't hear much, compared to when you're not wearing it. If you see a bird, you might not be able to tell what kind of bird it is. If someone is dancing 10 feet away from you, you can't see them unless you turn toward them. Sounds are muffled, language is unclear. Vision is limited. Your mind ADAPTS to the limitation of the helmet, and you learn to drive your motorcycle or your race car with less information than you would have normally. When a person meets you, they might as well be wearing a helmet. Very little information gets through, but they believe they got most of the picture anyway. Many will believe they have learned more than enough to know "what you're about". They're not aware that they're wearing a mental helmet. Many will even FILL IN their imagination about what you do in your spare time, how smart you are, how physically strong you are, what you are CAPABLE of or NOT capable of, HOW you grew up, whether you're rich or poor, your VALUES, your BELIEFS, and what you think about THEM.

Many people who have known you for 20 years will also FILL IN their imaginations about you, and believe they are right, and never question their assumptions. They will continue to treat you as if YOU ARE the pretend-person they have created in their imagination. Your pretend-profile in their minds is actually about THEM, not you. They build it in accordance with what makes them feel okay.

For example, many people will subconsciously attribute parental qualities to those who are taller then they are, and attribute child-like traits to those who are smaller than they are. This is magnified with people who are very tall or very short. They will asses the exact same behavior DIFFERENTLY when a taller person does it than when a shorter person does it. This is NOT about the other person, this is about THEM.

They don't know to separate their own feelings from who you are:
>Many will assess you as stuck-up, or even sexually promiscuous, if THEY find YOU attractive (even if you're wearing a turtle neck).
>Many will decide you are fragile as glass, or solid as a rock, just from one look at your arms, hands, maybe your shoulders.
>They may decide that you're a drug-user from something as silly as looking at your shoes or your hair.
>They may decide what you do for a living, or what you CAN'T DO, just from looking at you for one second.

And they will often BELIEVE these assessments, without ever finding out ANYTHING about you in reality. They may never doubt these assessments at all.

Another example, if they have identified themselves as a "great cook" or a "spiritual healer", then they may imagine that you are NOT a great cook, or ignorant about "spiritual healing", so they won't feel challenged or outshined. If you actually ARE a great cook or have experience with spiritual healing, they may try to dismiss anything you do or say that shows that you are. So in their pretend profile of you, you can't cook much, and you're a novice/beginner in spiritual healing, so they can be the expert.
If you received your degree from the top chef school in America, they may still rationalize that you're not "really" a chef, or that you probably barely passed, or that you must have had help.

The REALLY WEIRD thing about this common habit of extreme over-confidence in assessing others and believing these imaginary profiles is this:

When you do something that proves one of these assumptions WRONG, the ASSUMER may become UPSET, as if YOU DID something to hurt their feelings or disrespect them!!! They can actually feel OFFENDED that you are NOT what they wanted you to be. So if they had you pegged as someone who CAN'T use tools, and you go and change your own oil filter, they can actually get MAD AT YOU, and maybe not LIKE YOU anymore.

If they want you to be a person who is AFRAID of reptiles, because it makes THEM feel "tough", and you catch a snake that's on the path in front of you, they can actually get MAD AT YOU, as if you've just done something TO THEM by not playing out their imaginary profile they made for you.

Relationships with those who create imaginary profiles of you can be difficult, confusing, and dramatic. They are not operating in reality, so you can't build a REAL friendship with them based on REAL things. They will continue to treat you according to their imaginary profile of you, maybe forever.

As far as "first impressions" go, understanding that a very large number of humans will believe they know all about you in the first 5 minutes of meeting you might help explain why people talk about that and try to teach youths why it's important. OF COURSE it's silly that people assume things about you in the first minute of meeting you, but that's what they do, so being aware of that fact can help make life go more smoothly. If you actually want that job, dress to look more like a conservative person, and don't worry about the interviewer not "seeing" who you really are. They probably don't have the ABILITY to see you for who you are, and they can't anyway in that small amount of time, even if they were a genius. They are looking for very basic superficial signals that might not even make sense, they might be TERRIBLE at assessing other people. But you want that job, so give the interviewer what they are looking for, even if it feels alien to you. First impressions are MORE important when dealing with those who are LESS ABLE to understand that there is much more to a person than whatever they assume in the first 5 minutes, and your awareness of this is even more important.

M.M.Black

Patriarchy

Ever wonder why everyone seems to think there 

HAS TO BE 

either a 

Patriarchy or a Matriarchy?

Can't anyone think outside their childhood imprinting?

Does Illness And Hardship Mean Entitlement?

There are some people who will attribute elevated status and power to their having a physical illness or disability, as if it makes them somehow privileged, special, and above reproach. Not all people or just anyone who has a physical infirmity do this, just those who exhibit certain traits or emotional "dysregulation". They seem to buy into a belief that their illness or disability makes them superior to others, and gives them the right to demand and command, and that others should put them, their needs and their whims above all else. This person has the capacity to use anything at all to claim superiority and demand special treatment. Before they were ill or disabled, they were probably using something else to claim special privilege. They may have believed they were entitled to special treatment for reasons ranging from their height, their ancestry, their sex, their wealth or lack thereof, their certificates and diplomas, their job, their talent, their reputation, others in their family that have wealth, fame or "status", the size of certain body parts (both males and females), even the car they drive, the house they live in, the shape of their face, the clothes they wear, or their pets. (They were most likely exposed to this behavior by someone else as a child.)

They may have already been using past traumas, tragedies, near-tragedies, or past abuses and betrayals against them as badges that they felt entitled them to special treatment, recognition, status, privilege, and more sympathy and LEEWAY than others. 

Obviously, when any person is a target of unfairness or abuse, those around them should help them and care for them. And when a person deals with tragedy, loss, injury or illness, those around them should help them and care for them, and help them get back on their feet. It is sad and awful when help is not forthcoming. But those who exhibit these entitlement traits will DEMAND special treatment from others, as if their tragedy or illness has given them special status above  others.

They will refuse to recognize anything that others are going through or are dealing with, because that would mean that THEY qualify for special entitled treatment TOO, which would 

A) remove the person from the roster of servants and subordinates and 

B) take away from the "high status', and also take some of the other people's attention and service away.

Like when one child is sick and gets to stay home from school, and watch TV in the bedroom, and gets extra attention and special food, and the other siblings have to keep doing their chores and going to school. Those with entitlement issues will see the sick child as getting "royal" treatment and special privileges for no "real" reason, they don't process that the reason the child is being cared for is to cure the illness, not because the child has been crowned "special".
So, the siblings who have entitlement issues will be jealous or envious of the sick child, as if the sick child is receiving favoritism, and not simply normal care because of illness, same as they would receive. If the sick child has the entitlement issues, he or she will believe that the special treatment is because he or she is being placed above the other children. In neither case is there an understanding or grasp of reality.

A person without these narcissistic personality traits will be grateful for any help they get from others, and may be angry with their illness, but not with the people around them who genuinely care. (They have the right of course to be angry with people who are ACTUALLY abusive or neglectful toward them.) But to be resentful and angry because someone can't drop everything they're doing is very self-centered. To DISMISS the tragedies, losses and hardships of others as insignificant or unimportant is blatantly narcissistic. To try to MAKE others "recognize" this "entitlement" using shame, blame, and condescension is a common tactic.

People of course SHOULD care for one another. Denying, blocking, or sabotaging care is of course blatant narcissism, even if we "don't like" the person very much. (If we really don't like them, we can still help them find care somewhere else.) But illness, injury, and hardship are not things to be held up as a badge of superiority, or an excuse to diminish others. 

>>>Further on causes of this behavior~ they may have had a relative or an acquaintance who exhibited this behavior, and came to believe that illness or "scars" from past tragedies actually are badges of entitlement, and that whoever is sick or recognized as having been through hardship gets all the recognition and attention. If people DID jump or give "high-status-attention" around this person they knew, instead of caring for them in a healthier manner, it's easy to see how they could have bought it as true. It is recognized in several areas of medicine and therapy that many people will subconsciously "allow" themselves to become ill in order to either receive preferential treatment, or to get those around them to stop abusing or neglecting them. If it works, they may subconsciously hold on to the illness or magnify the hardship as a strategy, and avoid healing or solutions.

>A "test" for a person, or for one's self, to see if this might be the case, just see how you feel or how they respond to the suggestion that it's true, in general (NOT accusing them of doing it).

>A person who is in denial because they are doing it (subconsciously) will immediately react with some kind of negativity, dismissal, or judgment. If I'm doing it, I might go "Oh that's b.s., why would anyone do that?" or I might say "I would never do that!". I wouldn't spend any time on speculating about the idea, and I would not even visit the possibility that I might be doing it in some way.   

>On the other hand, if I'm not in denial, I might say "that's interesting", and then discuss it for a minute or longer, without any negative comments or criticisms. The mere subject would not have an emotional effect on me because I'm not taking it personally.

>(One more qualifier, very important~ ACCUSING a person of doing this will almost certainly cause a defensive reaction, just because accusations are rude and hostile. You would get the same reaction if you accused them of anything at all, regardless of if they were actually doing the thing you accused them of, or NOT. The way to bring up a subject or ask a question is with respect, courtesy, and politeness, with no assumptions, blame, or condescension.)

M.M.Black

"People Treat Me Like Crap" "People Treat Me Like Royalty"

Strangers and acquaintances do not treat you with either respect or disrespect because of "who you really are". There's no way for them to know "who you really are", so don't believe you are wonderful or awful just because of the way you get treated by other people. Humans respond to the way THEY FEEL, not the way YOU ACTUALLY ARE. Even people you've known for a long time don't necessarily know "who you really are", so when they treat you like you're wonderful or like you're awful, it's really a reflection of their own internal emotional reactions. You might actually be wonderful or awful, but it's just as likely that you're not, and most likely it's that you're both at the same time, like everyone else.

Domination Behavior

There is a key thing that chimpanzees and humans have in common. Once you can accept this and understand it, it's much easier to understand a great deal of human behavior. That key is the compulsion to dominate, and to DISPLAY domination.

In emotionally secure humans, and many chimpanzees, the desire to dominate is focused on learning and skill, creating a comfortable living environment, and problem solving.

However in others, the same domination compulsion is transferred and focused to dominating other members of the group.

This compulsion can include the strong desire to prove one's self GOOD ENOUGH, and BETTER, and STRONGER, and MORE WORTHY, or MOST WORTHY.
This compulsion can not be carried out in a vacuum.
There absolutely has to be at least one other person around to carry it out, to be a person who can be a target TO BE AN INFERIOR. (Not actually inferior, just in the mind of the person who is craving the feeling of domination.)
Some humans will recruit another human to play that role, the one who they get to play "I AM MORE WORTHY THAN YOU ARE" with, all the time. Like a 'pet human' who is always there to squish, in order to get that feeling of "BETTER THAN YOU".

>This 'pet human' will be treated like a "sidekick" not only by the "Dominator", but also by associates and friends of the "Dominator" person; not like an EQUAL PERSON.
>In other words, handshakes, formal introduction, eye contact, and direct communication ONLY goes to the "Dominator".
>The 'pet human' will be consistently treated like a lesser person, WITHOUT proper and polite manners, courtesy, or respect from either the "Dominator" or from other associates.
>IF and WHEN someone does treat the 'pet human' with direct and normal respect, proper manners, and direct communication, that person will quickly be REDIRECTED or REJECTED by the "Dominator", using domination displays to send a message to either the person, or to the 'pet human'. 

This kind of dynamic can be seen in any type of relationship, from a pair of childhood classmates to a pair of siblings, a parent and child, a "romantic" relationship, even coworkers or business partners.

Both humans and chimpanzees show this compulsion in varying degrees, due to genetics, the behavior of other members in their group/community, the level of guidance and support they received growing up, and past experiences.
Both humans and chimpanzees who have a high degree of dominance display behavior appear to have a harder time learning about the dynamics of healthy relationships, progress, interactive cooperation that's needed to achieve larger goals, and ethics.
In humans, the higher degree of domination behavior, the lower the apparent ability to self-reflect, to empathize, to be actually independent, or to handle change.

Something you may or may not have noticed: Both humans and chimpanzees use body language AND vocalizations to express emotions, to try to dominate others, and display "worthiness" so they will be accepted in a group. Humans use noises and tones,
but they also use LANGUAGE.

Think of the word "DISPLAY" here to mean "TO SHOW", the way some male birds "display" their colors to attract a mate, or the way male Iguanas "display" their throats to show agitation, or the way female dogs "display" their teeth to warn other dogs away from their puppies.

An example of language display can be seen when a human wants to be accepted in a group as "one of them"; a person will learn LABELS so that he or she can say them in the group, in order to DISPLAY to the others that he or she knows what they know, and "fits in", and is "one of them". LABELS such as names of pieces of equipment, parts, brand names of such parts and pieces. Also LABELS such as names of PEOPLE who are probably known by the members of the group, or that they might LOOK UP TO. When a person wants to be seen as an "insider", an "expert", or a "guru", he or she may purposely learn specialized words, labels, and names. (Learning "jargon" is a very common way a human will use language to appear knowledgeable and experienced.)

This use of WORDS to falsely DISPLAY "experience" and "knowledge" usually WORKS on most people, even if they do it themselves.

>So, a person might want to fit in with some musicians because they are worried about being treated with condescension and disrespect when they are learning to play guitar (a well-founded fear). Instead of learning guitar parts, amplifier manufacturers, and the names of musicians and histories AS THEY learn to play, NATURALLY, they may put a large amount of effort and time into learning WORDS that they can use when they TALK to musicians. Unfortunately, many people who do this put more time and effort into learning the labels, names, and words than they do into their actual playing. Strangely enough, they will STILL be seen by many as someone who "knows about guitars and music" just because they have learned what WORDS to use. In other words, a person might learn every bass guitar manufacturer that ever existed, know what bass strings are made of, be able to name all of the parts of a bass guitar, be able to name several bass players, but NOT KNOW HOW to play one very well at all, NOT KNOW HOW to repair one, and NOT REALLY KNOW HOW those parts actually WORK. This person knows the WORDS, but not the rest of it. But since the reason he or she learned the WORDS was to APPEAR experienced and knowledgeable, he or she will DENY what they don't really know, and try to hide it.

And here's the kicker~ Humans will more often than not TREAT a person who knows the WORDS but NOT how to play, build, or repair a bass guitar like they know what they're talking about, MORE than a person who DOES KNOW how to play, how to repair, or how to build a bass, but who doesn't know (or care about) the LABELS.

Using language for domination display can also be seen using this pattern. The more "technical words" a person displays, the more others believe that he or she is experienced and knowledgeable. So, those who crave domination often rack up as many labels and names as possible, not just to FIT IN, but to DOMINATE. When they create this facade of expertise, they then USE IT to compete with a person who intimidates them, who they fear, who they desire domination over. They will try to TRIP THE PERSON UP with technical language. They will try to HUMILIATE the other person IN FRONT of other people with their "greater technical knowledge" (regardless of their actual knowledge), they will try to make the other person GIVE UP, STOP DOING WHAT THEY'RE DOING (like playing bass), BACK DOWN and ACT SUBMISSIVE, and they will try to make the person BELIEVE that they are LESS CAPABLE than they really are.

Those who are trying to use language to dominate are often defensive and hostile, because they are trying to dominate others with no substance; they can't get "caught", because they don't really know nearly as much as they're pretending to.
A REAL expert does not need to try to PROVE their expertise with technical jargon, and in fact, a real expert in a field may not use much jargon at all. They may not even use the technical labels for what they do. Some do, some don't. But a person who is always throwing out "KEY WORDS" is suspect, they may well be trying to create the illusion of expertise in order to DOMINATE, MANIPULATE, or CON others.

Using language for domination displays is CONSTANTLY being used for control and power over others by humans with domination compulsion. Their targets are usually similar to their targets in childhood, such as those who are smaller, or those who they envy, or those who they think they can control.

Language is used all the time in attempts to DIMINISH another person, to HUMILIATE another person, to CAUSE PAIN to another person, to cause ANXIETY in another person, and to CAUSE FEAR in another person.

The reason it is used SO OFTEN by those afflicted with domination compulsion is because it does frequently WORK, and they probably did not receive consequences as children for doing it, nor were they probably taught why it's wrong. All they know is they feel a compulsion to dominate, and they know that using language to fulfill that compulsion often WORKS.

Reacting emotionally to a human who is afflicted with domination compulsion often causes them to get an adrenaline rush, and do it MORE. They are SEEKING a reaction from their target. ANY reaction will do. The thing they don't want is NO reaction. When there is a complete lack of reaction, they will often try HARDER to provoke one, at least until they get bored and go find another target so they can receive their chemical reward from carrying out their compulsion.

It has nothing to do with logic, expertise, or "deserved" respect. When a person is trying to display dominance toward another, they are not behaving with civility or manners, so there is no reason to give them what they are trying to force using primitive, boorish, or manipulative displays. See it for what it is.

Proving Worthiness

You will find peace when you let go of trying to prove your worth. You are worthy now, and worthy enough. When you keep trying to prove that you are more worthy than another, what are you doing to them? Those who feel their own worth have no need or time to prove it, or to display it. They find great joy in helping others to feel their own worth.



M.M.Black

Help You Help Yourself

Turn your emotional reactions into signals for yourself about others.
That sting and heat from insults and put-downs are meant to stop you in your tracks. The dark cloud feeling of someone invading your space or trying to exert power over you is meant to herd you into doing their bidding, or pay attention to them instead of what you're doing.

Next time you feel it, stop what you're doing, stop your thoughts, stay silent, and sit still. Don't respond. Or, leave the room, go to the bathroom, (act like you're using it so they don't come in), but don't respond.
Be still and observe, as if you were doing a scientific observation from a glass bubble.
Don't worry, the sting and the heat feelings will dissipate, they always do.

 >What really just happened?
>What did the other person just say or do, really?
>What were you doing?
>Were you trying to concentrate? Were you doing something in the realm of healthy/normal for a human being? Were you speaking in the realm of healthy/normal for a human being? Were you doing something disrespectful or inconsiderate to someone else?
>Would the other person have said or done the same thing to someone else who they respect very much?
>Would you do or say the same thing, the same way, to someone as the other person just said or did to you?
>What do you think their emotional state was, why would a person say or do that?
>Do they do this often?
>Do others around you or them do this too?
>Have you been accepting this behavior as a regional dialect and mindset, as if that makes it okay?
>Do you do it too, so you accept it when others do it?
>Do you think it's civil, healthy behavior?
>Did it help you accomplish your goal, or did it help to stop you, or set you back, or doubt yourself?

The more you do this, the easier it will be to do it, and the easier it will be to spot behavior patterns that are not helping you achieve your goals, or peace of mind.

What to do with the information once you've observed it~ you don't need to confront the person, especially if you're pretty sure it will exacerbate the behavior. Just take it and write it down privately, share or talk about it with a trusted counselor or friend, but ONLY a trusted person who won't turn it into gossip, or use it against you later. Share it anonymously on a support forum.

Happy Scientific Observing!
And welcome to the nerd squad! :)
I would much rather feel unsettled because I know what's going on around me than be controlled by it because I'm unaware.



M.M.Black

Common Put Downs, Control And Domination

Some common ways controllers/dominators try to manipulate and diminish others with shame signals :

> Commenting on something the target is doing with a condescending tone, trying to make the target doubt themselves or feel silly for doing what they're doing:
"What are you trying to do?" "What is that supposed to be?" "How's that gonna work?" "You know what you're doing?" "Have you ever done that... before?" "Seriously?" "You actually believe in that?" "You're gonna waste your time with that?"

>Making negative statements:
"That doesn't look right" "That isn't coming out like you thought it would" "That looks a little crooked" "That's going to take too long" "That's gonna be too hard" "That's impossible" "It's never gonna work"

>Implying incompetence:
"You look like you need help" "You sure you're gonna be able to do that?" "Why don't you just hire someone?" "I'll get so-and-so to help me with this" "That's easier for someone taller" "That's easier for someone stronger" "Why don't you get so and so to help you with that?"

>Direct insults:
"You don't know what you're doing" "You can't do that" "You don't know what you're talking about" "You're too weak" "You should dye your hair" "You should whiten your teeth" "You need to lose weight" "You need to gain weight" "You think you're so smart" "You need to take lessons" "Don't quit your dayjob" "You're so slow" "You talk too much" "You're so short" "You could use some more on the top" "You're too happy" "You smile too much" "You mope around" "You analyze too much"

>Implied insults/incompetence/lesser status via comparison to others (usually said upon seeing you do something or learning that you do something):
"My brother builds bigger decks than you do and builds houses too" "My cousin is a PROFESSIONAL singer..." "My neighbor is a real writer, he writes for magazine" "You would probably learn a lot from talking to my friend who's a professional photographer" "My friend's son races motorcycles professionally, he's been endorsed by Mountain Dew" "My uncle is a pit mechanic at the Speedway" "My Dad's television is twice that size" "My cousin is a professional model, she's drop-dead gorgeous"

Bullies And Dominators

The desire to dominate others often begins in childhood, but it can come from a number of factors. A little boy who bullies other kids and gets away with it can obviously develop this desire to dominate, since he already gets a charge out of it and does not receive consequences for it. That's a kind of a little "monkey" compulsion that lots of normal kids have, both boys and girls; it's seen in ma...ny other animals, also. Humans are supposed to guide their kids how to interact civilly and respectfully, but sometimes they don't, won't, or can't ~(that boy's parents might be chronically ill or something of that nature; you would think another adult would step in, but people don't do that much anymore mostly due to the Narcissism epidemic, and the fear it creates).

The desire to dominate can also come from the other side of that coin; being a target of bullies, or especially a group of bullies. That could happen at school, in the neighborhood, or unfortunately in the child's own home. Plenty of human beings act like bullies toward one or more children in their family, and this behavior can also occur in group homes and foster homes.

Nearly everyone has experienced or witnessed bullying in childhood, especially in school. Groups of bully boys or bully girls will pick on other kids, targeting for all kinds of reasons, but the common denominator is always the "getting away with it" factor. Bullies target kids who seem weaker than themselves, or "different" in some way, ANY way, and ALSO kids who intimidate them for any reason, kids who they envy, fear, or are jealous of.

There are different "types" of bullies on the outside, like the "thug" kids, or the "jock" kids, or the "rich" kids, or the "street" kids, but on the inside they all have the same thing in common: the desire to display domination.

So, targets of bullies can develop the desire to dominate ALSO. The desire to dominate people who they see as over-confident, stuck-up, or are leaving them OUT. They can often feel very defensive, resentful, and even fearful around anyone who displays bully signals or behaviors. This is understandable, however they, like the bullies, are responsible for their behavior and their emotional and mental health when they reach adulthood. If they don't tend to their own healing, they can suffer for years with the affects. Unfortunately, they may also MISINTERPRET the actions and motivations of others, and believe they see bullying, clique behavior, betrayal and condescension where there is simply healthy self-confidence, open discussion, or healthy camaraderie.

In cases of family, foster family, or group homes where children are bullied within the walls of the home~ how does a child survive living with severe bullies if no one is protecting him or her? The child usually does one of two things~ either make themselves scarce, "invisible", which can be very painful and emotionally damaging, or become someone that the bullies fear (also painful and emotionally damaging, but also can provide a sense of relief, some freedom, and a sense of pride/confidence, albeit incomplete, but more than being invisible).
Lots of kids join groups and gangs to become "one of them", which can seem like a way to NOT be a target (either a target of that same group, or of another group.) To children, the world appears as a closed system. They don't KNOW that there is more to the world beyond what they grew up in, they're CHILDREN. So they have no way to understand that there are a thousand other ways of life out there that would give them happiness, peace, or joy.

Many seem to wonder why such a child would not simply join a sports team if they want to show that they're tough or competent, or get good grades in school. The answer to that is that children who have been bullied and/or abused have been emotionally beaten down, and therefore no longer have the confidence, the mental peace of mind, or the belief in their future that is required to even try out for a team, or improve their grades on their own. This child would NEED a strong caring person to help them heal, and protect them from further bullying and chaos, just like if they had a broken leg or an illness. Many people can only understand what they can physically SEE with their eyeballs, like a broken leg or a kid in a hospital bed, so they can't mentally comprehend why a kid would need someone to protect them and help them heal, or mentor them. These uncomprehending people can also make it difficult or impossible for another adult to step in and help a child to heal and grow.

If a child grows to adulthood without anyone to mentor them who is not part of a bully dynamic or culture, they may not ever even know that there is a whole other way to live. They may only think of people as either "Dominant" or "Submissive", "Leader" or "Follower", "Important" or "Insignificant", and not have any idea that they have only seen a small corner of the picture that makes up reality.

Such an adult will interpret the actions of OTHERS as either "Dominant" or "Submissive". This is why they are so reactive. They feel okay when they feel like they are in control, i.e. when they don't feel like they're being challenged, or left out, or humiliated. They can't simply listen to another point of view, or simply share their own, or discuss both without emotional investment, because they see everything as black or white, either/or, right or wrong, good or bad. If your point of view is different from theirs, you are seen as "wrong", or "stupid", or even "oppositional", or further still, "abusive".
They also usually have a hard time with staying on topic, because they quickly dissolve into trying to dominate the other person in a discussion. They often use condescending or personally insulting language directed at the PERSON, instead of keeping their focus on the actual TOPIC. They are always emotionally reacting to others and what others say, and their focus is on the PEOPLE in the room or in the discussion instead of on the actual matter at hand. It is extremely difficult to resolve any issues or matters of importance with such an adult. It is extremely difficult to have a conversation about anything beyond the current weather.

Dealing with such adults requires compassion, understanding, patience, and healthy, well-maintained boundaries. Sometimes distance is required as well.

Rights, Pacifism, And Complacency

I have seen that a lot of people don't seem to realize that there are people who are obsessed with power OVER other people, who want power OVER EVERYONE, not just over some people, and try with all their might to get that power. I guess they must believe, like I did when I was a youth, that simply living in my own peace would make me somehow invisible to these power mongers, and they would simply leave me alone, and I would still be able to live my life just the way I live it already, saying what I believe, expressing my opinion, or staying quiet, keeping a peaceful life. But then I realized~ just because a butterfly makes no enemies and lives peacefully makes no difference to predators, none whatsoever. Earthworms cause no harm to anyone, and are extremely beneficial, but they are preyed upon constantly. If a predator eats all of the butterflies and all of the earthworms, then there will be no more butterflies or earthworms, and the entire biological system will crash, and the predators will die too. This life is a gift. If I am to honor that gift, then I must honor that it's a gift for everyone else, too. And that means having healthy boundaries, which means standing up for myself against boundary violators, and standing up for the rights and respect of others against violators. Anyone can be a boundary violator. Without awareness and standing up against them, we can become violators ourselves and not even realize it.